Rediscovered
by Kathy3
Summary: COMPLETE!!! AU - What lies in the Scoobies future? Will Buffy survive? WARNING - I got a bit cheesy in this one - sorry.
1. Rediscovered

Disclaimer:            Not mine, never will be, but how I wish.

Please be nice, it's only my second go at this.  I promise, there will be a plot developing soon, but I used to be a drama student, so I have to do a little bit of emoting.

Reviews please, but remember; my ego is a fragile thing.

Coming Home

He stepped out into the light, automatically flinching as the sun's rays hit him.  Nothing happened.  The sunlight washed over him and he had to squint against it to see anything; something he hadn't had to do for over a century.  He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the glare and felt the heat on his flesh.  Putting his other hand to his cheek, he felt his skin, warm to the touch for the first time since he had died all those years ago.  He could feel his heart newly beating in his chest, strong and fast as his chest rose and fell with his deep, excited breaths.  He was alive again; he was human.

He hadn't wanted this.  He had just wanted to get rid of that damned chip, show the Slayer who he really was, so why had they given him another chance at life?  Why had they made him human?  So many questions and no answers for him.  He had thought being human would mean he would be William again, but he could tell just by looking inside himself that he wasn't; he was still Spike, but human.  Looking out over the beautiful African scenery, he knew that the chip had gone, but he could feel his soul waiting inside him, waiting for him to confront what he had become.  Fearing what would happen, he turned away from it and turned instead to the demon he could still feel in him.  He took comfort from the fact that it hadn't been taken from him entirely.  He had spent so long revelling in his demon, indulging its desires, he didn't think he could have faced his new life without it.  It was so much a part of him that he couldn't imagine not feeling it lurking in the recesses of his being.  So, he was human, he had a soul and he still had a part of his demon.  What did that really make him?  Afraid and shivering, despite the African sun high in the sky, he turned inward again, reaching towards his newfound soul.  He let the knowledge of it flow through him.  And with it came the disgust, the shame and the revulsion of over a hundred years of torture and bloodshed.  He screamed with the weight and the pain of it, dropping to his knees and clutching his head, tears streaming unnoticed down his cheeks.  Images of horror, pain, blood and fear assaulted him.  He fell to the dust, writhing in his agony, his new soul burning him, punishing him, torturing him.  He let the waves take him, knowing instinctively that it was in these moments his future would be decided.  If he failed this final test, he would spend the rest of his life a mindless wreck, driven mad by his past sins, cursed to know his eventual fate in Hell and powerless to escape it.  He cried out again, letting the tide take him, accepting that he must.  His senses screamed with him, accusing him; the whole world was accusing him.  Finally, eventually, it passed.  The waves of emotion abated and the visions of his past drew back.  They flowed away into the centre of his being, a throbbing ache inside him; an ache he knew would remain with him for as long as he lived.  But it hadn't destroyed him; he had survived the last test.  He knew that without the remainder of his demon, the awakening of his soul could have taken his mind.  It was only then that he realised there was a reason for his survival; something wanted him alive.

Buffy sighed and looked out of the window.  Absently, she washed the dishes, her mind elsewhere.  When would Willow be back?  Would the Council ever let her go?  And if she returned, would Giles come back with her?  Since the night they had left together for England, things had been quiet in Sunnydale and it was a strange sort of quiet, almost as if the world knew how close it had come to ending.  And ending at the hands of her best friend.  Buffy's gaze drifted over the garden and came to rest on the spot where she had lain dying only two months before.  Willow had been wrong about her – Buffy didn't want to leave this world anymore.  It was true that the only peace she had ever really known was when she was dead and that the world had given her more pain than she could handle, but she had been happy once.  At high school, she had been happy.  Life had been easier and brighter and Buffy had felt more alive back then.  Even her responsibility as Slayer had seemed less of a burden.  It seemed cruel, but it was almost as if Willow's near destruction was the best thing that could have happened to Buffy.  She had seen the reflection of her own self-destructive desires in Willow's eyes; she had felt the waves of despair with the world coming off the witch and it had released her.  All the tension, all the pain, all the regret, had let go of her.  She had realised, finally after months of blindness, that all she had to do was let go and that happiness could come back.  Death had been her gift in more ways than one.  It had been her gift to the world and the gift that had eventually brought her the realisation that years of searching could not.  The realisation that the world she was chosen to protect was a beautiful one.  It was as simple as that.  Once again, Willow had brought her back to life.  But at what cost?

Standing in front of his crypt, Spike hesitated.  His hands were sweaty, he realised.  Shaking his head, he told himself that Buffy wouldn't be inside – why would she hang around his crypt when there was no one inside that she wanted to beat the crap out of?  Moving closer to the door, he tried to make out any sounds from inside.  Damn these human ears, he thought bitterly, can't hear a bloody thing.  Taking a deep breath, he resigned himself to the idea that he was going to have to just walk in there and take his chances with whatever he met.  Remembering that Clem was supposed to be looking after the place, he lifted his hand and knocked hard, waiting a moment before pushing the door and going inside.  His eyes took a moment to get used to the dim light; there were only a few candles lit.

"Spike!"

He searched the inside of the crypt, his eyes still getting used to the gloom.  Sitting on a couch, an expression of surprise on her face, was Dawn.  Vaguely, Spike noticed that it wasn't his old couch; Clem must have brought it in to replace the old one, which had been a little bit the worse for wear after the explosion.  In fact, the whole crypt looked more homely than it had ever done.  Spike stepped further in, avoiding Dawn's eyes.

"Well, aren't you going to say hi?" Dawn said, standing and folding her arms across her body.

Spike took off his coat slowly.

"I didn't know if…"

"I know what happened with Buffy," she interrupted him, "She wasn't going to tell me, but … I found out" Dawn didn't think it was a very good idea to mention that Xander had told her about the attempted rape; she knew they hated each other.

"Oh God.  I'll just grab some of my stuff, then I'll leave.  Okay?" 

"No, don't leave." Spike looked up at her.  She looked wary, but didn't seem to be mad.  Dawn let her arms drop, "Why d'you do it, Spike?"

"I couldn't tell you, bit.  I love her; I needed her to love me.  I just thought if we could… " he trailed off.  He had no excuses, "I fucked up.  Again.  I told her I loved her and then I shagged one of her best friends and tried to…tried to rape her.  She was right all this time; I'm a monster and I'll never be anything else." Spike slipped his coat back on, "I shouldn't have come back.  'Bye, niblet."

"Spike!"

He turned to look at her.

"With an attitude like that, you're on your way to being forgiven." Dawn smiled at him.  He couldn't bring himself to smile back.

"No.  Don't ever forgive me for what I tried to do to your sister.  You're better than that."

Dawn sighed.

"You wouldn't have gone through with it."

Spike met her eyes for the first time.

"Buffy said something that night.  She told me that the reason she could never love me was because she'd had to stop me."

Dawn walked to him and took his hand gently.

"Of all the people in this town, who knows you best?  Who spent hours sitting and talking to you after Buffy died?  Who is the only person on the Hellmouth who gave you a chance?"

Spike dropped his eyes again, "You," he whispered.

"So I'm telling you, Spike; you would never have done it.  Not to Buffy, not to anyone.  Even without the chip, you couldn't have done that.  It's not you."

He looked up at her.  When did she get so wise, he asked himself.  She wasn't the little bit he remembered a couple of months ago, or maybe she was; maybe he just hadn't noticed before.  She was becoming a smart, beautiful young woman, just like her sister.  For the first time, he smiled.

"Thanks, bit."

"Don't get me wrong, I haven't forgiven you yet, but I will eventually.  Just like it's gonna take me a while to forgive Willow." She paused and looked down at their hands, still clasped together, "Your hand.  It's warm."

He pulled away from her.  He wasn't ready for this; not yet.  Dawn stepped towards him again and reached out, placing her hand gently on his chest.  She jerked away as if she'd been burnt.

"Oh my God."  Dawn backed away, confused.  She shouted in the direction of the stairs, "Clem!"

Spike could hear a scrambling noise as the demon came up the ladder.

"Okay, okay, I got the chips.  Now d'you want any dip to…." Clem stared at his friend for a moment, then dropped the bags of chips and scooped him up into a hug.  Spike, taken by surprise, was quite touched and returned the hug, but with less enthusiasm than the bigger demon.

"Clem, need to breathe these days, mate."

Clem let go of him quickly, stepping back and glancing at Dawn.  

"He's got a heartbeat; I felt it." Dawn still looked unsure of him.

They both backed off a little, unconsciously moving slightly towards each other.  Neither of them had come across anything like this.  Dawn was certain it was Spike, but Spike didn't have a heartbeat, didn't need to breathe.  Clem cleared his throat.

"Um, would you like some chips?  I got all sorts."

Spike smiled to himself.

"No thanks, mate, I'm good."

"So, I guess you're back, huh?" Dawn pulled herself together a bit and stepped towards Spike, "Um, what's with all the breathing and the heartbeat?"

Spike shrugged his coat off his shoulders again and tossed it onto the back of a chair.

"I, er…" There was no avoiding it; he had to tell them, "I got my soul back."  Throwing himself onto the sofa, he tried not to look at their expressions of amazement and fished around in his pockets for his cigarettes.  Lighting one, he finally looked up at Dawn, just as she snatched it out of his mouth.

"Hey!"

"If you have a heartbeat, you can get heart disease and if you're breathing, you can get lung cancer, so you're quitting these right now." Dawn ground out the cigarette under her sneaker.

"Niblet, I…"

"No arguments, Spike, you have to give those things up."

God, she was so like her sister when she got mad.  Spike smiled slightly and stood up.  He decided to change the subject; there was no way he was quitting smoking, even for the little bit.

"What exactly are you doing here, anyway?"

"I've been hanging with Clem a bit lately; he's nice.  Buffy brought me here when Willow went insane.  She thought you'd be here, but you'd already gone, so I stayed here with Clem for a couple of hours.  Then he helped me find Rack's place and…" Dawn's voice faltered as Spike grabbed her shoulders.  He had that look in his eyes; the look that made her think of her mom when she'd done something stupid.

"You went to Rack's place!  Are you trying to get yourself killed?  I turn my back for… Wait, Red went insane?"  Spike let go of Dawn.  She dropped her eyes; it was difficult to talk about.

"Yeah.  Warren lost it with Buffy and went round there with a gun.  He shot Buffy and Tara got caught in the crossfire."  

Spike reeled away from her, his head spinning.

"Buffy's not…"

"No!  God, no.  Willow went to the hospital and magiked the bullet out of her.  She's okay.  But Tara died."  Dawn's voice caught in her throat and she broke down.  She felt Spike take her in his arms, holding her tight, comforting her gently and quietly.  Clem sidled towards the ladder; it was probably best to leave them alone for a while.

Spike's still-new soul screamed inside him as he held Dawn.  All the pain inside this girl in his arms and he couldn't reach out and take it away from her.  His heart ached for Dawn's sake.  His vision blurring slightly and with mild surprise, he realised that he was crying a little.  Dawn pulled away, calming down and visibly pulling herself together, and looked up into the clear blue eyes, sparkling with tears.  She reached up and wiped away one that had fallen on his pale cheek, rubbing the moisture between her fingers.

"Why are you sad, Spike?  You hardly knew her," she asked, puzzled.

"That's why, bit," Spike gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head, "Come on, let's see where Clem's got to.  You can fill me in on everything else."

"Hey, don't think you get out of sharing that easily," Dawn said, following him to the ladder, "I wanna know how you got that heartbeat thing going."

Spike grinned at her.

"I'm hungry, niblet; a bloke's gotta eat," he said as he ducked downstairs.

Downstairs, Clem and Dawn waited while Spike got himself what he called 'a snack' from the kitchen and what Dawn would call 'most of the food'.  He settled down on the floor, leaning against the bed that Clem had brought in to replace the one that had been blown up.  Dawn fidgeted in her seat.  Clem sat calmly watching his friend eat, absently snacking on his own bag of chips.  They waited.  Finally, Dawn couldn't take it any more.

"Enough with the suspense, Spike.  Where the hell have you been?"

Spike sighed and pushed the remains of his sandwich away.

"Okay, bit; are you sitting comfortably?  Then I'll begin," he sighed again, trying to sort the past week's events into some sort of coherent whole in his own mind.

"After I…" He stopped and glanced up at Dawn, still ashamed of what he had tried to do.  "After that night, I decided to get away from here.  I thought I wanted to get rid of the chip.  I thought I was angry at Buffy for what loving her had done to me.  But I was wrong.  I was sick of myself.  So I went away to get what I thought I wanted.  Turned out I was wrong.  Not for the first time, either."

"Where did you go?" Dawn reached out for the bag of chips.

"Africa.  Friend of a friend told me about a demon over there who could get rid of the chip, give me whatever I asked for.  At a price, o' course.  So I shipped out, found the demon and asked him for my heart's desire.  Should've remembered you gotta be careful what you wish for."

"What happened?"

"Got through the trials, and… "

"What trials?" Dawn interrupted.

"Coupla fights and some insects." Spike dismissed them, trying to appear casual.  He didn't want anyone knowing how close he'd been to giving up and dying. "Anyway, I asked the demon to make me what I used to be, to make sure Buffy got what she deserved.  Didn't think what the words meant, just said it.  Next thing I know, there's a blinding pain and a bright light and then I'm unconscious.  When I came round, my heart was beating, I was breathing and I could feel it right down inside me waiting.  A soul."

Clem said what Dawn had been thinking.

"Holy shit."

Spike grinned at him, "I know.  Pretty weird, huh?"

"Did it hurt?  I mean, getting it back?"

Spike hesitated again, "Getting it back hurt, yeah.  But not as much as living with it does.  Can almost understand why Peaches went a bit crazy."

Dawn cleared her throat.  She'd been sitting quietly taking it all in, trying to comprehend how much had changed in just a couple of weeks.

"So, why haven't _you_ lost it?"

"Dunno, bit.  All I know is I've got a soul, but there's still a bit of demon in there.  And I'm still stronger than a normal human and I can still fight.  Don't really know what I am any more."

"Is the chip still in there?"

"Not sure.  Don't think so.  With this new complication of mine, I haven't really tried to find out."  Spike sighed.  Now for the hard part, he told himself. "Look, bit; I didn't know you were going to be here tonight.  I don't want Buffy to know I'm back.  I want to take my time after what I did."

Dawn looked as if she was going to object for a moment.  Dropping her eyes, she just shrugged. "Okay.  I won't tell her."

Spike raised his eyebrows.  Since when was Dawn so easy to convince?  Almost as if she knew what he was thinking, she looked up and met his gaze again.

"I wouldn't go round there for a long time.  Buffy will kill you.  That's why I'm not going to tell her." Dawn stood up to leave, "But she'll know, Spike.  She always knows when you get back in town."

Clem joined her at the bottom of the ladder.  "Careful there, Dawn.  D'you need me to walk you home?"

"No thanks, Clem; I'm fine." Dawn looked back over her shoulder, "Bye, Spike."

Spike watched her climbing the ladder and waited until he heard her leave, then he turned to Clem.

"Thanks for looking after her, mate."

"She's a good kid; I like her.  We just hang out sometimes." The demon shrugged and offered Spike his bag of chips.  Spike waved them away.

"Tell me what happened after I left."  He sat on the bed and Clem settled into his chair again.  After about half an hour, Clem had finished his story and Spike fell back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Buffy's gonna let the niblet go on patrol?"  At this point, it seemed like the easiest thing to concentrate on and accept.

"Yeah.  Dawn's only been training for about a week and she's already getting quite good."

"Must be the Summers blood.  Those monks made her out of Buffy, so she must have a bit of Slayer in her." Spike sat up again, "Xander saved the world?"  It was probably the most incredible piece of information he had heard in years; he had Xander to thank for his continued existence.  It was difficult to believe, "Does Anya know?"

"Oh, I think so." Clem stood up, "I'm a bit wiped.  I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight." He chuckled a little, "It's your place, after all."

"Thanks mate, but I'm on the couch.  It's your bed, after all."

As Spike climbed the ladder, Clem heard him mutter to himself.

"Bloody hell; Xander?"

Buffy leaned against a gravestone.  It was still quiet, so she had some time to stop and think.  Remembering the night, not so long ago, that she had sung about going through the motions in this very graveyard brought a smile to her lips.  It was amazing how much had changed so quickly.  She no longer felt that way; her life was finally back on track and she was actually enjoying her role as Slayer for the first time in years.  Not in the strange, dark way she had discovered after coming back from the grave, but in a real, fulfilling way.  She was protecting the world from the forces of darkness, after all.  Casually tossing her stake in the air and catching it, she pushed herself away from the headstone.  Time to get home.  Maybe Dawn would be back from Clem's place and they could watch a video or something.  It was late, but the next day wasn't a school day and she was trying to spend as much time with her sister as she could.  Humming to herself, Buffy made her way home.

Dawn was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV when Buffy opened the door.

"Hey, Dawn.  How's Clem?"

"Huh?" Dawn looked at her sister vaguely, "Oh, yeah.  Um, he's fine.  He says hi."

"Whatcha watching?"

"I don't know.  Some nature thing on Discovery." Dawn looked preoccupied.

"Well, how about, I get the popcorn and you pick out a movie.  I got a craving for some Disney."  Buffy took off her coat and hung it on the rack, "You okay?"

Dawn jumped to her feet.

"Yeah, I'm good," she said, brightly.  Too brightly.  Buffy decided not to push it.

"Butter?  On the popcorn?"

"What else?"  Dawn bounced up the stairs.  Buffy watched her go, telling herself that Dawn would let her know what was on her mind when she was ready.  She was past all that angsty teenager crap now.  She just made a mental note to keep an eye on things.  Sunnydale had been nice and quiet recently and Buffy wasn't about to mess that up by unleashing Dawn on it.  She went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.

It was dark.  Someone was screaming.  There was a smell of burning in the air.  Burning flesh.  Burning hair.  No flames, just burning.  There was pain; searing, blinding pain.  Spike realised he was the one screaming.  There was a light growing ahead of him; a bright, clear light, rushing towards him.  Sunlight.  The pain was unbearable now.  Every nerve in his body was screaming, through to his very bones.  The light was close now.  He watched it grow in his vision, closer and closer.  He couldn't understand why the pain wouldn't stop.  Surely it had burnt every cell of him by now.  The sunlight broke over him.  He flinched away from the brightness instinctively.  The pain was gone.  The screaming had stopped.  And the darkness was gone.

Spike woke with a jump.  He slipped off the narrow couch and hit the floor, hitting his head on the coffee table.

"Bugger."

Pulling himself back up onto the couch, he shook his head, trying to push the memories of the dream to the back of his mind.  He wasn't sure what was going on in his mind recently, but he knew it had something to do with being human again.  He felt as if his soul was trying to tell him something; as if he had been spared the full force of the guilt and remorse in order that he understand his new purpose.  He had thought that getting rid of the chip would make his purpose clear, but getting a soul had complicated things.  Spike got up and poured himself a whiskey, throwing it back in one gulp and slumping back onto the couch.  A couple more drinks would make sure he slept okay for the rest of the night.  He would need a good rest – he had decided to go and see Buffy before she came to see him.

Across town, in a pleasantly modern apartment, the chanting began.  The carpeting had been pulled back and a circle had been crudely drawn on the floor.  In the centre of the circle sat a young man.  A book lay open in front of him.  As he chanted, he swayed slightly, his eyes glazed and unfocused, his hands moving above the book automatically, as if controlled by an outside force.  A gentle humming noise was building and a strange diffuse light seemed to be growing, centred on him.  He stopped chanting and lay his hands, palms down, on the book, his head thrown back and his eyes closed.  The noise and the light built around him.  Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, his head dropped to his chest and his eyes snapped open.  All was quiet.  The young man rose to his feet and looked to the corner of the room.  Something moved in the shadows.

"It has begun, my sister," he said to the figure.

"Good," the voice was low and seductive, "The Four Horseman shall rise and this pitiful world will end.  We must make ready for the next existence."


	2. Unforgiving

Disclaimer:            Again, none of this is mine.  Bow to the great god who is Joss Whedon

****

**Unforgiving**

Dawn sat in her room, her head bent over her books.  Homework was a pain, but Buffy had promised to do some training with her when she finished it.  Her sister was suddenly a lot more understanding, ever since their talk in that hole in the ground.  Buffy still wanted to protect Dawn, but she seemed to realise that the best way to do it was to teach her how to fight.  Dawn still wasn't allowed to go patrolling, but Buffy had promised she could once her basic skills had improved a little.  Dawn was enjoying being let into her sister's life; it made her feel as if Buffy finally trusted her enough to show her who she really was.  It felt good.  Glancing up from her math, Dawn saw a movement in the street outside the house.  She stood up to get a better look and caught a flash of peroxide hair.  She shook her head slightly and moved to her bedroom door as quietly as she could, easing it open a fraction so that she could hear what was going on downstairs.

In the kitchen, Buffy was listening to the radio as she prepared a salad.  She hummed along to the music softly, her mind quiet and at peace.  

The doorbell rang.  Buffy wiped her hands and walked through into the lounge.  Glancing around the room, she made a mental note to have a talk with Dawn about all the magazines strewn around and the jacket carelessly thrown on the arm of a chair.  God, I'm turning into Mom, she thought to herself with a smile.  She opened the door, still smiling.  Her face fell; Spike was standing on the doorstep.  Buffy's heart leapt into her throat and a knot started forming in her stomach.  Spike felt his own heart constrict in his chest.  He had seen the smile and everything he felt for her had flooded back to him, stronger with the newness of his soul.  And he had seen the smile fade at the sight of him.  He dropped his eyes.

"So, you're back." It was a statement, not a question.  Her voice was hard and cold.

"Buffy, I didn't come round to fight," he couldn't look at her.  He was just going to say what he came to say and go. "I came here to…"

"What?  Apologise?  Okay, well, apology accepted.  Now, go away."

Spike risked a quick glance at her.  She had her arms folded in front of her and her eyes were flashing angrily.  She looked beautiful.  He looked away again.

"I know you can never forgive me for what I did that night and that's good.  You shouldn't.  But I had to come here and tell you that I'm more sorry than you'll ever know."  Spike shifted awkwardly.

"Is that it?  Right, now you listen.  Go away and stay away.  I've revoked your invitation, so you can't just walk in here and make yourself at home again."

Spike met her eyes.

"Fair enough."  He turned and left her standing in the doorway.  He didn't run, but disappeared quickly into the dark.  Buffy sighed and closed the door.  Just when she thought her life was sorting itself out, Spike had to come back into it and ruin things.  She turned back to the kitchen and saw Dawn at the top of the stairs.

"Dawn, I…"

"I know, " a look of almost understanding passed between them.

"You knew he was back and you didn't tell me?" Buffy was used to her sister hiding things from her, but not recently and not something as important as this.  Dawn came down the stairs to her.

"He asked me not to.  And I had a reason not to tell you.  I knew you'd go off and chase over there and surprise him.  No matter what he's done, he has saved my life more than once and I do owe him something."

"Dawnie, I'm telling you now to keep away from him.  I didn't think he was capable of hurting me, but he tried to.  You may think he's not capable of hurting you, but who knows?"  Buffy took her sister by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Please, don't go and see him again."

"Okay, I won't." Dawn turned to go back to her room.  Halfway up the stairs, she stopped and looked at Buffy again. "I think you should know something, Buffy.  The invitation thing?  Won't work."

"What?"

"When Spike was away, he got his soul back.  He's human."  Before Buffy could answer, Dawn turned and ran to her room.  She sat down heavily on her bed.  Had that been the right thing to do?  Spike hadn't asked her not to mention it, and Buffy needed to know.  Dawn sighed and lay back on the bed.  It didn't look like there would be any training tonight.

Buffy stared up at her sister's bedroom door.  Her mind, so calm and peaceful a few minutes earlier, was spinning.  She grabbed a coat, picking up her keys from the table and wrenching open the door.  She had to find out what the hell had happened.

Spike wandered slowly along the street, his hands in his pockets.  He wasn't in a hurry to get back to his crypt.

There was a noise like a muffled scream.  It had come from just over the nearest cemetery wall.  Spike was running as he wrenched a stake from his pocket, his eyes judging the distance.  Launching himself towards the wall, he grabbed the top with his free hand and pulled himself over, dropping to the ground in front of a couple of surprised vampires.  One of them had a middle-aged woman by the throat and had been preparing to bite her.  They both recovered from their surprise quickly and the one holding the woman let her go.  He smirked.

"Well, well.  A hero.  Come to rescue the damsel in distress, have we?" he grinned at the terrified woman, "Not really what I'd call a damsel, though, are you?"

Spike relaxed slightly.

"New in town, are you?" he smiled.

The other vamp piped up.

"Yeah, what's it to you, Brit-boy?"

"Well, see, it's like this," Spike swaggered over to him and got in his face, "This used to be my town and now I'm back."  He turned to the woman, who was still frozen in place, her eyes wide and panicked, "Better run, love.  It's gonna get a bit ugly."

She nodded wildly and took off.  Spike turned back to the two vamps.

"Who's first?"

The vampires glanced at each other, then threw themselves at him, their game faces on.  Spike slipped the stake back into his jacket out of the way, backhanded the first vamp to reach him and dropped to the ground, knocking the other down with a sweep of his leg.  On his feet again, he grabbed the bigger vampire and hauled him up, winding back for a punch.  His fist was grabbed from behind.  Spinning swiftly, he tried to hit the vampire behind him, but the punch went wide and he received a vicious fist to his face as he swung around.  Taking advantage, the second vampire kicked him in the stomach and he went down.  Spike rolled onto his back and lifted his legs, catching the vamp in mid-leap and kicking him away.  Avoiding the boot that was heading for his face, he rolled again to the side and jumped to his feet, aiming a kick at the nearest vamp's head.  He made contact and his opponent went down.  Whipping out a stake, he turned and caught the other vampire in the chest as he attacked.  The first vampire hurled himself forward and knocked the stake away, punching repeatedly at Spike's head.  Spike deflected most of the blows, giving ground and retreating towards his discarded weapon.  The vampire seemed to think he was winning and grinned again.

"Where y'going, pal?  There's only wall behind you."

He pulled back, ready to deliver a massive punch.  Spike ducked under it, shoving the vampire off balance and grabbing the stake.  He brought it down hard and the vamp was dust.  Spike bent over, breathing heavily and trying to fill his lungs.  He'd never realised how much dust you could inhale when you had to breathe during a fight.  It felt as if there was half a vampire in his chest.  Coughing, he straightened up.  Buffy was standing watching him.  He put the stake back into his jacket, avoiding her eyes.

"So, it's true then?  You're human."

"Don't know what I am.  Who told you?"

Buffy took a couple of steps towards him, her arms folded in front of her.

"Dawn."

Spike nodded.

"Thought she might.  Shouldn't have told her." He looked up at her, but still avoided her gaze. "See you around, Buffy," he said, turning to go.

"Wait a minute.  Aren't you going to tell me what's going on here?  You owe me that much."  

Spike could almost feel the anger radiating off her, even from a few yards distance.  He turned back to her.

"I know that.  I owe you much more than an explanation.  But I don't want to hurt you again and the only way I know to stop that happening is for you to stay away from me.  The less you're involved with me, the better," he smiled slightly, "If you really have to know, the little bit can explain."  Spike turned and started to walk slowly away.  Buffy watched him go for a moment, then started on her own way home.  Spike looked over his shoulder and watched her.  She didn't look back.

"I still love you, Buffy," he whispered to the night.

Dawn heard the door slam downstairs.  Buffy was mad.

"Dawn!"

Yep, definitely very mad.

"Dawn, get down here!"

Dawn sighed and closed her magazine.  When she got downstairs, Buffy was waiting on the couch, her arms folded.  Dawn went and sat next to her.  She seemed to be calming down a little.

"You want a soda?"

Dawn nodded.  Her sister went and got a couple of cans of soda from the kitchen, handing one to Dawn as she sat back down.  Buffy opened her can and settled down against the cushions.

"Okay, Dawnie; what's the story with Spike?"

Dawn looked down at her hands.  She knew she shouldn't have said anything.

"It's all right – Spike doesn't want to tell me anything and he said I should ask you."

Dawn looked at her sister.  She wasn't lying.  She took a deep breath.

"Okay, but no interrupting until I've finished.  All I know is what Spike told me."

Buffy nodded.  Dawn settled back and explained what she knew.  The details about the trials were a bit vague, but the story was simple enough; Spike had hated himself so much he had travelled half way round the world and put himself through hell to try and forget what he had done.  When Dawn finished, Buffy sat staring into space, trying to re-shuffle the new information in her mind.

"Buffy?"

"What?  Yeah, I heard," Buffy turned to her sister, "I'm going back out again.  I've got to talk to him"

"No, Buffy," Dawn caught her arm.  Buffy looked down at the hand holding her back, then up at the girl next to her.

"Why not?"

"What are you gonna do when you get there, huh?  Beat him up some more?  Break his heart again?  He said he wanted you to stay away and you should.  You guys only ever hurt each other."

Buffy leaned back again.  Dawn took her hand.

"You've got to forgive him before you go over there."

"I can't forgive him.  Ever." She could feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes, but she blinked them back.  She didn't want Dawn to see her crying again.

"If you can't forgive him, then you're not the sister I thought you were."

Buffy's head swung around.

"What?  Do you remember what he tried to do to me?  Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?  How much it hurt me?  He hurt me Dawn; he tried to rape me!"

"I know what he did!" Dawn was angry now.  Something in her had let go and she couldn't stop herself. "But do you know what you did to him?  You used him and he forgave you.  You beat on him and he forgave you.  You hurt him and he forgave you.  And then he snapped.  He lost it because of you.  You, Buffy!  He loves you so much, he would have done anything for you, but you used him and tortured him with it.  It wasn't the chip that changed him – it was realising he loved you.  Before that, he was still up to stuff all the time, but you changed him, you made him want to be more than a vampire.  And you threw it back in his face.  And then you get all pissed off because he went back to being evil?  You say you can't forgive him for what he did, but I think you can't forgive yourself for driving him to it.  For not seeing what you were doing to him.  There's no excuse for what he did, but there's no excuse for what you did to him.  Think about it, Buffy."

Dawn stormed up the stairs as only a teenager can and slammed the door behind her.  She sat down on her bed and grabbed a stuffed toy for comfort before curling up and crying softly to herself.  She had no idea where that had all come from.  She didn't even know if she believed half of it, but it was done now and only Buffy could decide what to do.

Buffy sat on the couch, stunned.  Her mind was spinning.  She knew her sister had always had a soft spot for Spike, but she had no idea it ran so deep.  Buffy had thought that Dawn understood after what Spike had tried to do to her, but obviously she had been mistaken.  She felt a surge of anger towards the girl.  What did she know?  How could she defend that … _thing_?  Buffy stood up and grabbed her coat again.

Spike lay on the couch in his crypt, staring at the ceiling.  He took deep breaths, trying to clear his mind.  Every time he thought of Buffy, the pain was too much, so he tried to stop thinking altogether.

The door flew open.  So much for not thinking about Buffy, he thought.  Spike sat up slowly.

"What do you want, Buffy?" his voice was soft, his demeanour resigned.

"We have to talk," her arms were folded in front of her and her eyes were flashing in that familiar way, but he couldn't sense the anger which usually emanated from her when he was around.  He moved off the couch and gestured that she sit, careful not to get too near her.  He sat in the armchair.  Buffy tried to make herself comfortable on the couch, her eyes resolutely turned away from him.  She fidgeted some more as he waited patiently.  Eventually, she gave up the stalling tactics and met his gaze.  Immediately, he averted his eyes and seemed to be studying a tiny hole in his jeans.

"Look at me, Spike."

"I can't."

"We have to get all this out in the open and I prefer to talk to you, rather than at you.  Okay?"  He could hear the irritation building in her voice.  Reluctantly, he looked up at her, flinching involuntarily as their eyes met.

"That's better.  Okay, now why didn't you tell me about what happened in Africa?  Why did I have to hear about it from Dawn?"

"Because I didn't want you to forgive me just because I got a soul.  I couldn't stand it if you forgave me." Spike swallowed, his mouth dry.

"Good, because I haven't forgiven you.  But I have to ask you about that night."

Spike visibly started back from her, "No, Buffy.  Don't ask me.  Please."

Buffy could see he was in pain, but she couldn't stop now, "I'm sorry, I have to know.  Why did you try and rape me?"

He flinched at the word, hugging himself protectively.

"Spike!" Her voice was hard and determined.  Spike tried to speak, but his voice didn't seem to be working.  He took a couple of deep breaths and reached out for the glass of water that was on the table.  He drained it and cleared his throat.  When he spoke, his voice shook slightly.

"I don't know why.  I lost it.  Lost it completely.  It was like I wasn't there.  I could see myself hurting you, trying to … but I couldn't stop.  I wanted to stop, but I couldn't.  Thank God you stopped me," he cleared his throat again, "I know you need to know why, but I can't tell you.  One minute I was sitting here, getting drunk and feeling sorry for myself, then the next thing I know, I'm in your bathroom," Spike sank forward, his head in his hands.

Buffy watched him closely.  She knew he had a soul now and that it must be killing him to remember everything he had done, but she couldn't let up; she didn't want to.

"You hurt me, Spike.  More than you ever did when we were fighting.  You hurt my heart."

"I know," he was shaking, his voice thick with tears.

"I'm going now," She stood up and turned to the still open door.  He hadn't moved and she could see his tears falling onto the mat.  Something made her go on, "I want you to know that one day I might be able to forgive you."

He sprang up, grabbing her arm and pulling her to face him.

"No!  Don't do that!  You mustn't _ever_ forgive what I did!  I might try it again and you have to be ready.  You can't let me get close again; I might kill you.  Please – don't forgive me."

Buffy stared into his blue eyes.  He faltered and realised he was still holding her.  Dropping her arm, he backed away quickly.

"Is that what this is all about?  You think you might still be capable of something like that?  Why did you come back here, then?  Why didn't you stay away from me?"

"I couldn't do it," he fumbled in his pockets for his cigarettes, taking one out and lighting it.

Buffy strode back over to him and whipped it out of his mouth.

"You're human and you're still smoking those things?  What, do you want to kill yourself?"  She stamped it out.

"Yes."

The word was barely audible and he was turning away from her as he said it, but Buffy heard it.  Something inside her snapped.

"Well, why don't you do it the quick way, huh?  You're human now; there's thousands of ways of doing it.  And they're all a lot quicker than smoking yourself to death."

Spike whirled around to face her.

"Because I'm scared, okay?  Poor little Spikey is frightened to die.  Now I got me a soul, I am terrified of what's waiting for me when I die.  After all I've done, can you even imagine what my eternity is gonna be?  I can't.  I can't imagine pain worse than this, so maybe I'm already dead; maybe _this_ is my hell.  Only that would be too easy, wouldn't it?  So I have to spend a lifetime in this body, dreading what I might do to you or to the people you love and terrified of what's waiting for me after this torture.  Damned if I do and damned if I don't," he calmed a little, "Go away, Buffy.  Please."

Buffy moved towards him.

"Jeez, you're starting to sound like Angel."

Spike nearly bit his newly lit cigarette in half.

"What!"

He saw her smiling slightly at him.  Trying to hide his own smile, he turned his back on her.

"Go away Buffy," he repeated.  There was a long pause, then the door closed quietly and Spike was alone in the room again.  He sank back down onto the couch, visibly shaking.  He heard a noise behind him.

"I'm okay, Clem; I just need some time."

His friend hesitated.

"Need some company?"

Spike turned to look at the demon, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, mate.  That'd be good.  I got some cards"

"All we need now are the kittens," Clem settled down in the armchair.  Spike dealt out the cards in silence, suddenly glad of the other's quiet friendship.

Buffy walked slowly towards home, replying the scene in her head.  _Please – don't forgive me.  _She remembered saying exactly the same thing a few months ago, when Spike's chip had stopped working on her and she'd had to reveal to Tara what was going on between her and the vampire.  The encounter with Spike had shaken her; she'd never seen him afraid to look anyone in the eye before.  And she'd never seen him so terrified for her safety.  Maybe Dawn was right.  Then again, maybe Spike was.

Giles sat quietly in the little room he had adopted as his study at the retreat in Anglesey.  Books lay open in front of him, apparently at random, and the notepad that lay open next to his right hand was half full of shorthand notes.  His head bent over the volume on his knees, Giles referred briefly to another book, scribbled some more notes and turned back to his reading.  Something stirred behind him.  He turned slowly to see Willow standing in the doorway, dressed in an old t-shirt.  Her eyes were blank; she was sleep walking again.  Giles quietly stood and moved over to her, taking her hand and turning her gently around, a guiding hand on her back.  She allowed herself to be lead.  They had almost reached the bed when she stopped.  Giles looked down at her and found her blank stare resting on him.

"Buffy?"

"No, Willow, it's me; Giles." He tried to move her again, but she wouldn't budge.  Reaching up, she brushed his cheek gently.

"Giles." She cocked her head to one side, as if listening, "Yes, sweetie; I'll tell him.  Giles, check the dates.  And call Buffy."  Willow's hand dropped back to her side and she started to fall.  Giles bent and caught her as gently as he could, lifting her onto the bed.  He made sure she was sleeping naturally and left her side to return to his study.

Going over to his desk, he took another notebook out of a drawer and turned to the next page.  Carefully and clearly he recorded the date and time and the exact words that Willow had used.   It had been two weeks since the sleepwalking had started and just over a week since he had started recording the events.  He hadn't told Willow what was happening yet, as she had no memory of her nightly excursions, but he had discussed the implications with the druids who ran the retreat.  They had laid all their resources at his disposal and every night, he sat in his study, watching over his charge and searching for an answer.  So far, he could find nothing to indicate what might be about to happen, but each night, he was becoming more and more convinced that Willow was seeing something in her sleep; something that would put Buffy in danger.

Two figures made their way carefully through the graveyard, winding their way between the stones.  They reached the gates and stopped.  The figure in the rear, a female, slipped in front of the other and looked outside, her stance low.  She was hunting, her movements cautious and economical.  The other figure, male, moved back slightly, getting out of her way; letting her do her job.  She scanned the area silently, then turned to her companion.

"Nothing," she confirmed.  The young man seemed to slump slightly in the dark.

"We don't have much time, sister.  The signs have begun."

"I am aware of the situation, brother, but I cannot kill what is not here.  We will try another place."  Even as she turned to leave, the woman froze in place, glancing around quickly.  She turned and drew her companion back into the shadows behind the wall.  After a few moments, the young man heard footsteps moving towards them.  He tried to quiet his breathing.  He felt the woman beside him slip away further into the shadows.  A moment later from his vantage point, he saw the prey enter the graveyard.  She was little more than a girl making her way home.  Her manner was nervous and hurried.  _Beautiful_ he thought to himself, observing her small frame and soft face.  Time to play his part.  Stepping forward into the moonlight, he called out.

"Excuse me, miss?"

She turned quickly towards him, startled.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I got myself a bit turned around.  Could I trouble you for some directions?"  He tried to keep his voice friendly.  The girl was backing away from him; the plan hadn't worked.  No matter, he could see his sister on the edge of the shadows, ready to make her move.

"Don't be afraid," he told the girl.  Something about his voice or his face seemed to warn her and she turned, ready to run, but she turned straight into the arms of the tall woman who had been stalking her.  The girl's eyes opened wide in terror at the vampire's face in front of her.  Then the fangs were in her neck and the blood was being drained from her body.

He turned away from the scene; he never watched his sister feeding.  Behind him, he heard the thump of a fresh corpse hitting the ground.

"It's your turn now, Simon," his sister called.  Moving down the slope, he stooped and took the girl in his arms.

"Wipe your mouth, Jessica.  You always were a messy eater."

"Brother, without my eating habits, you would have nothing."

Simon shrugged, aware of the weight he was carrying.

"I would have found someone else to do my dirty work.  As it is, I have you.  A lucky turn of fate."

Jessica laughed bitterly, "Yes, very lucky.  What _would_ you have done if your sister hadn't been brutally murdered by that vampire?"  She swung away from him contemptuously, "Who else would help you to bring an end to this miserable world?"

OK, so it's a bit long-winded, but I'm writing this on the sly in my lunch hours at work, so I haven't had a chance to do much editing.  I'm getting to the plot, I swear.


	3. Into the Light

Disclaimer:    Buffy is not mine, none of the Scoobies are mine, Sunnydale is not mine.  Joss, you are a genius.

Into the Light 

****

Giles glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece as he buttered another slice of toast.  8 am was far too early to call Sunnydale.  Last night, Willow had spoken to him twice in her sleep and he was starting to worry that things may be more serious than he had first anticipated.

"Morning, Giles," Willow came into the room and sat down opposite him, reaching out for the coffeepot.  As she poured it, she made a face.

"I still say you Brits can't make coffee like we do in America."

"Try some tea, then; it's a lot better for the system," Giles replied, liberally spreading marmalade on his toast.

"Tea's a bit too civilised for a Yank like me," Willow smiled.  It was good to see.  Since Tara had died, Giles hadn't seen her smile too often and it hurt him.  Ever since Xander brought her back from the edge, Willow had seemed uncomfortable around Giles, desperately trying to make up for what she had done to him.  The gentle teasing that had started to creep back into their conversations was reassuring; the old Willow was back and holding on.  According to the druids, she still had a long way to go, but they were sure she would be able to return home in a few days.  There had been no question of her using magic again; she seemed to have spent it all, but there was the possibility of her wanting to seek that kind of power again, so Giles had brought her to this retreat.  The druids specialised in teaching oneness with the world.  Acceptance of the fluctuations of fate and her place within them was the first thing they had begun to teach Willow and she was accepting their instruction well, meditating regularly.  There was a new kind of peace about her that Giles hadn't seen before.  He returned her smile.

"Giles, have I been … moving about at night?  Y'know, er, sleepwalking?"

Giles looked up at her quickly.

"How do you know?"

"I'm not stupid.  You've been worried about something and you insist on being in your study when I go to bed," she smiled again, a little sheepishly, "And my t-shirt has a rip in it.  I found some of the material caught on the edge of that little chair by the door of your study."

Giles reached out and took her hand.

"Have some breakfast, go and get dressed, then meet me in the courtyard and I'll tell you all about it."

Willow nodded, accepting.  There was that strange peace again; she could have demanded an answer, but it was okay to wait.  Giles was proud of her; the progress she had made in such a short time was a credit to her determination to make things right.  He leaned back in his chair and watched her eat, hoping that her faith in him was justified.

Buffy woke up suddenly.  She looked over at the clock.  It was only 1 am, no time to be awake when she had work the next day.  Thank God it was just a morning shift; she'd be out at noon.  Staring at the ceiling, she tried to calm her mind, pushing any thoughts of Spike from her head.  It was odd, no matter how hard she tried, she just wasn't as mad at him as she should be.  And she was trying very hard.  Turning onto her side, she decided if she couldn't get to sleep in an hour, she'd call Giles.

An hour later, Buffy was sitting in the kitchen, dialling the number for the retreat. She listened to the strange ringing on the other end of the line.  It was a good thing Giles had persuaded the Council to pay her bills, she thought to herself; on Doublemeat Palace wages she'd never be able to afford this call.  A man with an odd accent answered the phone.

"Hi, can I speak to Rupert Giles, please?  It's Buffy Summers speaking."

The voice said something Buffy couldn't make out, then she heard the phone being put down.  After a couple of minutes, she could make out a door being closed and Giles picked up the phone.

"Buffy?" he sounded worried.

"I'm okay, Giles.  I just wanted to have a chat.  How is it over there in sunny England?"  She smiled slightly as she heard him sigh.

"Firstly, we're in Wales and secondly, it's hardly ever sunny here.  It must be the middle of the night over there.  Why are you really calling, Buffy?"

Buffy thought about it; why was she calling him?

"Spike's back."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

"And?" Giles sounded wary; he obviously wasn't sure how she felt about Spike.  He knew about what had happened that night; Xander had made sure everybody knew.

"And he's human.  Kind of.  He left here and went to Africa and got his soul back and now he's back here and he's sort of human and sort of still a little bit vampire, but he has a heartbeat and he can go out in the sun and he doesn't want me to go near him because he thinks he may try something again and he says I should never forgive him for what he tried to do to me, but Dawn says I should and am I making any sense here?"  She couldn't stop the words once they'd started.  She heard Giles sigh again.

"Buffy, personally, I would kill Spike for what he tried if I thought it would do any good, but I think – and I'm only telling you this for your own good – I think you need him."

Buffy's brain shut down for a moment.

"Buffy?"

She shook herself.

"Giles!  What the hell are you talking about?  How can you say that after this last year?  After what he tried?  I … I can't … I mean …"

"Calm down, for God's sake.  Just listen.  Spike has been a constant presence in your life for six years, even when he was trying to kill you.  Of all the challenges you've faced, defeating him time and again was what you enjoyed the most.  More recently, you've relied on him to protect your friends and family when you couldn't.  You've fought together – he's become a part of your life.  And he needs you.  He always came back to Sunnydale, even before the chip.  And he's back again.  I think you need to go and talk to him again.  He's human now; he's as different to what he was a couple of months ago as William was to Spike."

"He doesn't seem to think so," Buffy knew Giles was right, but she couldn't bring herself to give in.  She had to put up a fight, just for old times sake.

"Buffy, whatever you decide to do, I'll be behind you.  Go back to bed now and get some rest.  Try not to think about it."

"Okay.  Goodnight, Giles," Buffy held the phone as close as she could to her ear, as if it would somehow bring her closer to him.

"Goodnight Buffy.  Sleep well." Buffy knew he was still too British to say it, but she could hear the tone of his voice.  He loved her; really cared about her as if she were his own daughter and the advice he had given her had been from the heart.  She smiled and hung up.

Giles looked at the phone for a moment.  Had he said the right thing?  Would Buffy be able to put aside her stubbornness just long enough to give Spike one last chance?  And had he been right not to tell her what was happening with Willow?  Well, he would know in a few days time.  Closing the door to the little room behind him, he went back out to the courtyard, where Willow was waiting for him.  Despite what he had said to Buffy, the sun was shining and Willow sat in a pool of sunlight in the centre of the yard, her face turned upwards towards the warmth and her eyes closed in meditation.  Giles spoke her name gently from a few yards away and her eyes opened slowly, blinking slightly.  She smiled lazily at him.

"Hi.  What did Buffy want?"

"She just needed to talk.  I'll tell you about it later.  First of all, we need to have a chat about this." He opened up the log he had been keeping.  "This is a diary of all the nights you have been walking in your sleep recently.  I have also recorded anything you said to me."

Willow took the book from him and turned back to the earliest entry.  She read every entry carefully, then turned back and re-read some of the details again.  Closing the book carefully, she looked up at Giles.

"This log starts on the first night I started dreaming about Tara.  Really vivid dreams; she comes to me and tells me that we're all in danger, that I have to go back to Sunnydale to help.  And I tell her that I can't, that I have to stay here and get better.  She looks so beautiful," Willow's voice caught in her throat, "Then she tells me to go to you and tell you to check the dates.  That's when she usually goes away.  Again."  She looked up at Giles, tears falling softly down her cheeks.  Giles put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.  For a while they sat there, Giles offering the little comfort he could to the young woman at his side.  She was too young to have to deal with so much grief.  Willow pulled away from him, wiping her eyes.  Giles watched her pulling herself together, pushing memories of her pain away and gathering her thoughts.  

"If this is upsetting you, we can …"

"No; this is important.  Tara is trying to tell me something and we have to find out what it is.  I think you need to get back to Sunnydale and warn Buffy that something's coming and I can stay here and do some research with the druids."

Giles shook his head; "I'm not going to leave you here.  I've spoken to the druids and they say that with proper supervision, you can go home.  I think you should come with me."

Willow sighed.  She stood up and walked towards the flowerbeds on the other side of the courtyard, taking one of the blooms gently in her hand and examining it closely.  She turned back to Giles.

"I can't go back there; not after what I did."

Giles went to her and once again took her gently in his arms.

"Willow, you were always the best of us.  You have always been at the heart of the group.  We all understand what happened to you and we forgave you; now you have to forgive yourself.  We all love you, Willow, and we want you back," he held her away from him and looked into her eyes, "I'm not saying this isn't going to be the hardest thing you have ever done, but you must keep in mind that you are wanted and needed in Sunnydale."

Willow hugged him hard, silently thanking him for his support.  Her voice had failed her, but she could feel that Giles understood.  She looked up at him again.

"Let's go pack."

Buffy shoved her Doublemeat Palace uniform into her bag, taking a bit of pleasure in pummelling it slightly more than necessary.  She still resented the fact that the Watcher's Council had only agreed to pay her utility bills, but at least it was something.  They had said that in order to maintain the secrecy surrounding the Slayer, she had to appear to the ordinary world to have a job and a normal income.  They had been a little bit lost as to how to proceed with the situation before Giles had suggested the plan because no Slayer had survived past twenty before.

Buffy turned and pushed open the back door.  She made her way along the little alley and past the side of the building and stepped out into the sunlight.  Closing her eyes and turning her face up towards it, Buffy savoured the warm feeling on her skin, enjoying the feeling of temporary freedom for as long as it lasted.  Opening her eyes and turning towards home, her gaze was caught by a small crowd of people gathering around the entrance to another alley across the street.  The police were putting up a lot of that yellow tape across the opening and some others were making sure the crowd didn't get too close.  _Great_, thought Buffy, _so much for my half-day off_.  She was making her way across the road towards the gathering when she saw a familiar figure standing slightly to the side, watching the proceedings and smoking a cigarette.  It was strange to see that blonde hair and pale skin in daylight; she'd only seen Spike in the sun once before when he had been wearing the ring of Amarra.  The bright light made him look ill.  _Yeah_, she told herself, _well, he has been dead for over a century_.  She sidled over to him.

"Spike."

He jumped slightly; he hadn't seen her come over.  Immediately, his stance changed from the usual casual confidence to one of wary defence.  He started to move away.

"Hello, Buffy," he turned.

"Spike, wait!"

Stopping in mid-stride he turned back to her, some of his self-confidence back.

"What?"

Buffy moved towards him a little and noticed that he stepped back, unconsciously trying to keep a certain distance between them.  She stopped.

"Any idea what's going on here?" She was trying to keep her voice level and business-like.  Spike picked up her cue and dropped his cigarette to the ground.

"Looks like a vampire killing.  A girl, maybe early twenties, bite mark on her neck, body drained.  They left her in the alley last night.  I'd say died about midnight.  Funny thing is, there was some sort of symbol under her body, drawn in her blood.  I copied it the best I could before too many cops turned up.  Here," he put his hand in his pocket and brought out a scrap of paper.  Holding it out to Buffy, he made sure his fingers didn't touch hers and that he didn't have to get too close.

"Thanks," she pocketed the paper, "Um, I was on my way home.  You wanna come back and we can do a bit of research?  Maybe get a pizza?"

Spike tried not to smile; he knew what she was doing.  For some reason, since last night, she had decided to offer an olive branch, to try and get things back to normal.  Maybe she was even making an effort to forgive him.

"No thanks.  I'm sure you can manage." He turned away and walked determinedly in the opposite direction to Buffy's house.

Buffy strode forward and grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face her.  He pulled away, almost staggering backwards in his desire to break the contact.

"Stop trying to be a martyr, Spike.  I need your help and you're gonna have to start acting like a grown-up," Buffy's voice was deliberately low, so as not to attract attention, but it was hard and determined, "Now turn round and move your arse back to my place." She swung around, almost hitting Spike with her bag as she did so and strode off towards home.  Spike sighed and started after her slowly.  With his eyes on the ground, he didn't notice her stopping again and almost walked into her.

"And you're paying for the pizza," she said, her face still serious.  Spike opened his mouth to protest, thought better of it and started to follow her again.

Buffy glanced at her watch; it was 4 pm.  They'd been sitting here in relative silence studying the books for over three hours.  Spike had hardly said a word since he got here, avoiding her eyes and staying out of her way as much as he could.   Now he was sitting on the floor, a book open on the coffee table in front of him, apparently studying the text intently.  They hadn't had much luck so far, but there were plenty of books left to go through.  Giles had made sure that all the literature from the Magic Box had been transferred to Buffy's house before he left for Britain with Willow.  They had been concentrating their research on vampire cults.

Buffy put the large tome she had been flicking through onto the couch next to her, stood up and stretched.  Spike watched the action out of the corner of his eyes.  He had been trying not to feel too comfortable in this house, in her company, but it was difficult.  This place felt more like home than his crypt.

"Are you thirsty?" Buffy asked him, breaking his train of thought.

"Yeah, a bit."

She moved past him, her leg brushing his arm as she went to the kitchen.  He flinched a little, but Buffy didn't seem to notice.  Pushing that kind of thought out of his mind, he rose and followed her to the kitchen.

"Okay, we got coffee, tea, sodas, water.  What d'you want?"

"Cup of tea would be good," Spike answered.  Buffy moved over to the sink to fill the kettle.  He shifted awkwardly as he leaned against the doorframe. "Is it okay if I use your bathroom?"

"Yeah, sure.  You know where it is."

Spike made his way up the stairs slowly.  He didn't need to use the bathroom, but he had to get out of the kitchen.  She looked so perfect.  She was just making tea and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  He stepped into the bathroom and stopped dead.  God, he'd almost allowed himself to forget.  This room, that night.  The mirror had been replaced and the shower curtain was new, but it was the same room.  He felt like he was being smothered, his vision was swimming.  He could see her lying next to the bath, looking at him with those eyes full of hurt and anger and fear, pulling her robe around her.  His soul accused him with visions of that night.  How he had pushed her over the bath, pinned her to the floor, her pleas for him to stop, his desperate desire.  Spike fell to his knees, a quiet moan escaping his throat.  He sank to the floor.

The door slammed open.  Buffy flew in, defences up, a stake in her hand.  She stopped short when she saw him.  Spike was curled up on the floor, his arms over his head as if trying to protect himself.  She crouched down next to him and touched his shoulder gently.  Spike moved as if stung, throwing his arm back and knocking her away.  He pushed himself across the floor, stopping with his back against the far wall.  His eyes were wild and empty, his breathing shallow and his skin was paler than Buffy had ever seen it.  She reached out to touch him and he shied away, trying to back further along the wall.  She could see she wasn't getting through to him.  Slowly, Buffy backed away.

"Stay there, Spike," she kept her voice low and even, "I'll be back in a second.  Just try and relax."  The eyes watching her didn't register anything.  She carried on making her way out of the bathroom.

As soon as she was out of the room, she went back down to the kitchen and finished making the tea.  Going back upstairs, she took a blanket off her bed and went to the bathroom.  It was empty.  Buffy stood for a moment, puzzled.  Then she heard it; a barely audible sobbing coming from Willow's old room.  She went to the door and nudged it open with her elbow.  Spike was huddled on the bed with his hands over his face, tears leaking through his fingers.  She put the two mugs of tea down on the dressing table and took the blanket off her shoulder, gently draping it over the shaking figure on the bed.  Then she drew back and sat on a chair, sipping her tea.  Buffy had never seen Spike like this before; it was quite disturbing.  After a couple of minutes, the quiet sobbing stopped.

"I brought your tea up for you," Buffy told him.  She saw his shoulders tense up again under the blanket.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"You were shouting.  In the bathroom," she explained.  No reply. "I thought something was attacking you."

Spike sat up slowly, wiping the last tears from his eyes, "Something was."

Buffy stood up and handed him his mug of tea, lifting her eyebrows questioningly.  Spike's gaze dropped to his drink and he took a sip.

"My soul."

Buffy nodded.  She'd had over two months to think over the events of that night and try to put it behind her.  Hell, earlier on in the day, she'd been ready to try and start forgiving him, but Spike had spent two months accusing himself, of re-living the pain he had caused to so many.  Going back into that room and re-living the most recent pain must have been almost too much for him.  She took another sip of her tea.  In front of her was a human in pain and it was her job to protect humans from hurt and death.  Spike was on the point of giving up, of letting the agony overtake him and drag him down.  As a vampire, he had walked in the dark, but right now he was in an even darker place; he was in his own private hell and she was the only one who could bring him back.

"Giles was right," she murmured.

"What?"

Buffy looked up at him.

"Giles said that I need you.  He said you're a part of my life.  And that you need me.  He was right.  Even when you were trying to kill me, you kept coming back to Sunnydale.  And now, you've come back again.  That took some nerve, considering everywhere you go in this town must be torture for you with that new soul," she sighed, "Somewhere along the line, and I don't know where, I forgave you.  When you came back, I just reacted the way everyone thought I would.  I didn't really feel it," Buffy put down her mug and went to sit on the edge of the bed, "I'm sorry for everything I put you through.  I'm sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry for using you."

Spike pulled away slightly, "No, you shouldn't be apologising to me.  You didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay, let's look at it like this.  I think I should be saying sorry and I just have.  You think you should be apologising, so do it.  Then we can put this all in the past and get on with finding the bad guys."

He took her by the shoulders and looked in the eye.  It was the first time he hadn't flinched away from touching her.

"Buffy, I am more sorry than you will ever know for everything I've done to you and your friends.  Especially that night," he sighed and dropped his arms, "But that's just words.  Doesn't do any real good."

Buffy shrugged, "It's a start.  What more d'you want?  An epiphany?"

Spike smiled, despite himself, "Where d'you learn a word like that?"

"Hey, I've been to college," Buffy said with mock indignation.  She smiled back at him, "That's better.  Now come downstairs and finish off that tea."

Dawn walked in the door, hung up her coat and stopped dead at the sight in front of her on the couch.  Spike was stretched out on it asleep, a blanket draped over him and an arm resting on an open book by his side.  Buffy was sitting in the armchair, quietly flicking through another book and occasionally glancing at a scrap of paper on the table.  She looked up as Dawn closed the door and motioned for her to be quiet and go with her to the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Dawn whispered as soon as they were out of the lounge.

"Spike and I have sorted a few things out between us, that's all.  He's exhausted, so we'll leave him there until I've made dinner, okay?"

Dawn didn't dare ask for details.  By some miracle, it seemed that Buffy had forgiven Spike and she wasn't about to ruin that with too many questions.

"Okay," she replied warily.

"I'll explain everything later, I promise.  I just don't want Spike hearing us talking about him and going all weird again," Buffy took her sister's hand and led her over to the sink, "Now wash your hands and start peeling some potatoes." Dawn did as she was told with not so much as a token objection.  _She must be in shock_, Buffy thought to herself, smiling.

Jessica moved swiftly into the shadows behind a tree.  She peered into the night, looking for a likely victim.  Simon moved in behind her, bumping into her awkwardly and stumbling slightly.

"God, Simon; why do you have to come with me?  I'm quite capable of hunting on my own," she snarled at him.

"I realise that, sister, but I have to be with you to arrange the bodies.  I very much doubt you could do _that_ efficiently."

Biting back her irritation, Jessica turned back to the task in hand.  They hadn't done very well tonight and didn't have any time to waste on any of Simon's games.  In the distance, she saw a movement and focussed her attention on it.  Only a cat.  Scanning the area again, she spotted a likely ambush spot and began to make her way towards it.

"Wait for me," came the strangled whisper behind her.  It was a good thing they were only going after humans, Jessica decided; the noise her brother was making would have every demon in Sunnydale aware of their presence.  She sidled into the mouth of an alley and glanced quickly around the corner.  Yes, there he was; a young man wandering along on his own, unaware of her waiting for him.  She tensed, her body ready to rush him.  Simon arrived a moment later, sliding around the corner and trying to keep out of the light from the streetlamps.  He failed to notice the garbage piled up by his feet and as he backed into the shadows, he knocked a piece of wood onto the ground.  Jessica whirled around and hissed at him, her concentration broken.  Simon froze.  His sister turned back to the hunt and eased her head around the corner to check on her prey.  The young man had stopped and was looking around.

Xander froze, scanning the street for any company.  The pleasant fog that a few beers with his workmates had caused cleared from his mind instantly.  He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket, feeling the reassuring shape of the stake under his fingers.  Everything seemed quiet.  He started to walk again, slightly faster this time, his hand still holding the stake and his eyes checking the night for danger.  Behind him, a graceful and dark figure detached herself from the shadows and moved across the street towards him.

Okay, so the plot still hasn't made an appearance.  Just hang in there – I'll get to it soon.  I promise.


	4. Revelations

Disclaimer:    None of the characters are mine (except Simon & Jessica), blah, blah, blah …

Please keep those reviews coming – I hope I'm not going to disappoint you

Revelations 

****

Xander felt the movement behind him before he heard it.  A Slayer he wasn't, but growing up in Sunnydale taught you a few things.  He threw himself to the ground, narrowly avoiding the arm sweeping around to take him.  The figure above him made a small sound of surprise, changing the direction of attack instantly and throwing herself towards Xander's throat.  He rolled to one side, struggling to free the stake from his pocket, where it had caught in the lining.  His attacker landed hard beside him.  She turned her head towards him and snarled, her fangs glinting.  Xander scrambled backwards, ripping his pocket as he wrenched the stake out and held it ready.  The vampire giggled at him, pulling herself into a crouch.  She waited, looking for an opening.  Xander got his feet under him and tried to get up, keeping the stake ready.  He was concentrating all his attention on the creature in front of him, and didn't see Simon making his way around to the side, a piece of wood in his hands raised to strike.  Xander made it to his feet and was calculating the best direction to run when Simon struck.  It wasn't a very hard or accurate blow, but it was enough to distract him so that Jessica could strike.  She moved fast and hard.  Xander felt the wood hit him and an instant later, there were fangs in his neck and he was being forced to the ground, his arms pinned to his sides.

_My God_, he thought vaguely, _this is it_.  He could feel the blood draining from him, his will being sucked away.  The world around him got dimmer and dimmer.  _Seems appropriate really_, he told himself as he started to grey out.  Somewhere in the distance, he could hear shouting, but it didn't seem to matter anymore; nothing mattered.

For the first time, Simon watched as his sister seized the young man and started to feed.  He could see the blood around her lips and on his neck; he was watching her drain his essence.  Since she had been turned, he hadn't watched her feed.  Now he saw the true power of his sister and it exhilarated and terrified him at the same time.  She was truly a creature of darkness and with her at his side they would succeed.

"Hey, stop right there!"

Simon whirled around.  Running towards them was a young policeman.  He was drawing his gun and aiming at Jessica.  She stopped feeding and turned slowly to face the officer, blood staining the pale skin around her lips and an excited shine in her eyes.  She hadn't drained their victim.

"Jessica," Simon whispered, "We don't have time."

She turned to him, her eyes flashing, "I just want to have a little fun, brother.  Humour me."

"Put your hands on your head and kneel on the ground with your back to me," the young cop was obviously new in town.  Jessica started towards him slowly.

"Stop right there, lady!" he was shaking, but determined and wasn't giving any ground.  Jessica smiled at him and morphed into her vampire face.  The cop froze for an instant and she leapt the last few feet.  Reflexively, he fired, the bullet passing straight through her shoulder.  Jessica barely registered anything, plucking the gun from his unresisting hand and throwing it across the street.  She placed a hand on his shoulder and he fell to his knees.

"Please," the word was whispered, barely audible on the night air.  Jessica smiled again and leaned in close to speak in his ear.

"Don't worry, sweetie; you're coming back."

She sank her fangs into his neck, pushing him further down to the ground and straddling him, her hands pinning his wrists to the pavement.  Simon watched in awe.

Xander lay across the street, watching the young cop being slowly drained.  The vampire was taking her time about it, enjoying his struggles.  Xander could hardly move, let alone help.  Painfully, he pushed himself up to his knees and glanced around.  He was only a couple of streets from Buffy's place.   If he could get there in time, Buffy could come and track down the vamp before she took anyone else.  Dying in the street wouldn't help the cop.  Grabbing the wall next to him, Xander pulled himself up and staggered away from the scene, his hand pressed to his neck, the blood oozing slowly through his fingers.

Spike sat at the table, barely touching his food.  He listened to Buffy and Dawn chatting and teasing each other as they ate, a small smile on his face.  After years of torturing others and months of torturing himself, he had finally found a degree of happiness.  The guilt and remorse still gnawed at him, but it was good to know that forgiveness was his and that it had been given freely.  He could allow himself to smile again.

There was a harsh banging at the door, tearing the three out of their relaxed state of mind.  Buffy was on her feet, pushing Dawn behind her and her sister was trying to get to the door to see what was going on.  There was a brief sisterly scuffle.  Spike rolled his eyes.

"I'll get it," senses alert and ready, he sidled over to the window and peered out.  Buffy took up a position behind the door.  Dawn moved over to the weapons chest and opened it.

"It's Xander," Spike told them.  Buffy visibly relaxed and opened the door.  Her friend fell inside, collapsing onto her.

"Spike!"

Spike grabbed Xander under the arms and half dragged, half carried him to the couch, laying him gently down.  Dawn gasped beside him and made for the kitchen.

"Oh, Christ!" Spike turned to Buffy and saw the horror on her face.  There was blood all over Xander's shirt and on his neck.  Clearly visible were two puncture wounds.

Dawn was back, crouching down next to Spike with a bowl of water and a cloth.  She started to clean up the wound.

"Is he going to be okay?" she asked, her voice slightly strangled.

"He's gonna be fine, bit."

Buffy leaned over Xander and stroked his check gently.  His eyes opened slowly.

"Buffy, near the Bronze, a vamp got a cop.  Got to stop her."

"It's okay, Xander," Buffy soothed him, "You're going to be okay."

She glanced up at Spike.  He nodded slightly.

"Dawn, you stay here and look after Xander.  Get him cleaned up and see if you can get him up to Willow's room.  Stay with him.  Spike and I are going to have a look for this vampire."

Dawn nodded, intent on the wounds on Xander's neck.  She was crying a little.  Buffy went to her weapons chest and started to sort out stakes.

"You gonna be okay, niblet?" Spike asked her.  

She smiled up at him, "I'll be fine.  Go get the vamp."

Spike squeezed her shoulder and turned to go, grabbing some weapons from Buffy.  As they left, Buffy turned back to her sister.

"And keep the doors locked."

Then they were gone.

They moved swiftly through the streets, keeping an eye out for anything on the way.  They reached the Bronze quickly and spread out from there, searching the nearby streets.  They quickly found the street in which Xander and the cop had been attacked, but there was no trace of the body or the vampire.

Two hours later, the search had slowed and Spike and Buffy started to make their way home.  They were taking a short cut through the park.  Buffy was looking up at the stars and wondering how long it had been since she noticed them, when Spike stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"What's that?"

"What's what?" Buffy whispered, peering ahead into the dark.

"That!"

"What?"

Spike sighed dramatically, "Oh, for God's sake," he strode off ahead, not even checking to see if Buffy was following.  By the time she caught up with him, he was standing next to a dark form lying crumpled on the grass.  It was the young policeman.  Spike was staring at the body.

"He's just a kid," he breathed.  Buffy put a hand on his shoulder, moving him out of the way and crouching down next to the body.

"Spike, help me lift this up – I think there's something under here."

Spike shuddered slightly as he helped Buffy to lift the young man's body and move it gently to the side.  Struggling against the images of so many similar victims he had left in the past, he bent and looked at the dark symbol on the grass.

"Blood," he murmured.  Buffy nodded in agreement and fumbled in her pockets for a piece of paper.  Spike gave her a pen and she copied the mark down carefully.  They moved the body back to where it had been.  In silence, they made their way to a nearby payphone, where Buffy called the police and hung up without giving her name.  They made their way home.

Dawn started awake when she heard the door close downstairs.

"Dawn?"

"Up here, Buffy," Dawn checked on Xander.  He was in a deep sleep, but his pulse was stronger and his colour was starting to return.  Buffy slipped into the room quietly.

"How is he?"

"He came round about an hour ago and I gave him some soup.  He's been asleep for a while now.  Did you find the thing that did this?" Dawn looked at her sister and noted the blood on her hands.

"No, but we found the cop.  Dead.  And we got another symbol to research."  Buffy glanced down at her hand and saw the blood, "I'll just go and clean up."

Buffy finished cleaning the blood off her hands and changed into her sweats.  She got down to the lounge in time to see Spike and Dawn setting up some leftovers on the coffee table.

"I thought we could all do with finishing dinner," Spike said.

Dawn settled herself down on the couch and opened a can of soda.  Buffy sat next to her and reached for her plate.  Spike dropped down onto the armchair.  They ate in silence, all traces of their earlier chatter gone.  _It's good to be back_, thought Spike ruefully.

Buffy struggled to open her eyes, dragging herself awake with sheer force of will.  She blinked and looked around her.  On the table were the remains of their supper.  Spike was slumped asleep in the armchair, the blanket once again draped over him and a book open on his lap.  Buffy realised that she had been using her open book as a pillow and lifted her head slowly, peeling her cheek off the pages.  Something had woken her up, but she couldn't remember what.  There was a knock at the door; that must have been it.  She pushed herself up from the couch, stretching and picking her way through the books on the floor, and went and opened the door.  Her mouth dropped open.

"Giles!  Willow!" she shrieked.  Behind her, Spike started awake and slid off the armchair with a crash.  Buffy threw herself at the pair on the doorstep and gathered them into a hug.  Willow was gasping for air before she let them go.

"What are you doing here?  Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?  When did you leave England?"  Buffy stepped back to let them in, taking their bags from them.  Giles held up a hand to stop the flow of questions and opened his mouth to reply.

"Giles!" another voice squealed from upstairs and a teenage figure streaked down the stairs and knocked him back into the door.

"Hello, Dawn," he said painfully.

"Hey, Dawnie," Willow looked nervous.  Dawn let go of Giles and turned to Willow.  There was a pause as their eyes met.

"Hi Willow," Dawn stepped forward and hugged the ex-witch tightly, gulping back tears.  When they parted, Willow started to speak.

"Guys, I want to say that … "

"Wait, Will," Buffy interrupted her, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.  Everything's okay now; we understand and we forgave you ages ago."

"Thanks guys," Willow's tears were flowing freely now and Buffy and Dawn weren't far behind.  They stood crying in a three-way hug, while Giles polished his glasses frantically.  Spike smiled slightly, feeling sorry for the Watcher; he never had been very comfortable with any show of affection.  Neither had Spike, when he came to think about it.  Maybe he should spare the old boy the embarrassment.

"A lot of it going about these days," he said as extracted himself from the blanket and stood up, "Forgiveness, I mean.  Now stop with the touchy-feely stuff, Giles looks like he's gonna have a stroke."

The girls broke apart.  Giles and Willow stood with their mouths slightly open, staring at Spike.  He began to feel awkward and shifted his feet.

"All right, all right; I'm not the bearded woman in a side-show," Willow continued to stare, "I'll go and put the kettle on."  As he left the room, he heard Dawn giggling and he smiled.  Everything was almost right with his world.

Xander joined them in the lounge later when he woke up.  The meeting between him and Willow had been very emotional and the others had left them to it, standing in the kitchen and trying to make conversation so it wouldn't seem as if they were listening.  Xander had pretty much ignored Spike, but he wasn't trying to bait him, which Buffy saw as a start.  Now, they all sat with their various drinks discussing the current crisis.  Giles had started by explaining why they had returned to Sunnydale, then Willow described the dreams she had been having of Tara.  Buffy and Spike confirmed that something was going on in Sunnydale and told their version of events.  Xander ended the synopsis by describing the vampire attack on him in detail.  Willow was almost in tears again at the thought that she had almost lost him.

"Do you have sketches of these symbols?" Giles asked, reaching for his suitcase.  It had several books in it that the druids had lent him.

"Of course.  Seven years I've been the Slayer and he asks me if I made a sketch," Buffy grumbled good-naturedly as she stood up to get the two scraps of paper.  She took them off the sideboard and handed them to Giles.  He peered at them for a moment and handed them silently to Willow.

"We've been checking out anything to do with vampire cults in the books you left," Spike told them.

"This isn't just vampires," Willow replied, "I recognise these symbols.  This one," she held up the first piece, "is the symbol representing Aries superimposed on the symbol of its ruling planet, Mars.  This other one is Taurus combined with Venus, its own ruling planet."

"Why would a vampire be leaving astrological symbols under her victims?" Xander asked the obvious question.

"Willow has been telling me to 'check the dates' almost nightly for the last two weeks.  It didn't even occur to me to check the alignment of any astrological bodies.  Willow, would you be able to calculate an astrological chart based on this information?" Giles was polishing his glasses again.

"Sure, I'll just get my laptop and have a look at the alignment of all the planets in the next couple of weeks." Willow got up and headed for the dining room, taking one of her bags with her.  Buffy looked at Giles.

"How serious could this be?"

"I'm afraid it could be very serious.  You yourself have only had prescient visions of the future when the situation was dire, so I can only assume that Willow's visions of Tara are of similar importance.  Also, astrology plays a very major role in a great number of predictions, usually those of apocalyptic proportions," Giles replaced his glasses.

"Great, another apocalypse.  I'm getting _really_ good at those."

Spike left them talking and let himself quietly out of the back door.  He lit a cigarette and stood looking up at the clouds, his duster wrapped around him.  It was a warm day, but he felt cold.  There was a movement behind him.

"Hello, Giles," he turned to the older man and held out his hand, "Didn't get a chance to say hi properly.  How was England?"

Giles shook the offered hand, "Actually, Willow and I were in Anglesey."

Spike nodded, "Never went to Wales myself.  Heard it was nice."

"Yes, it's quite beautiful in places."

Their small talk failed them and they stood in awkward silence for a moment.  Spike couldn't stand it for long.

"Look, I don't know what Buffy told you, but I didn't come back here to finish what I started that night."

"Spike, I don't know what has happened between you two since you got back, but Buffy seems to trust you," Giles looked down at his feet, "But if you try and hurt her in any way again, I will personally kill you, human or not."

Spike also took a sudden interest in his own feet, "Fair enough.  Thanks for putting in a good word for me."

"Ah, yes.  Um, you're welcome," Giles turned quickly on his heel and opened the back door.

"Giles?  This apocalypse that might be happening?  Buffy won't … "

Giles turned back to him and smiled, "Not this time.  Not with you looking after her." He went back into the house, leaving Spike to hope he was right.

"I've found something," Willow called from the dining room.  Spike crushed his cigarette under his boot and went inside.

They all gathered around Willow's laptop.

"Okay, so what we have in three nights time is an unusual astrological alignment.  I also did a search for any other occurrences of a similar nature on the same night.  What we have is four planets returning to their ruling houses; Mars, Venus, Pluto and Saturn, which are the planets that rule Aries, Taurus, Scorpio and Capricorn.  I don't know what it means yet, but the planetary alignment takes place on the same night as a lunar eclipse.  And that can't be good." Willow looked at Giles, "This isn't my area of expertise; we're going to need some help."

"I have an old contact from the Magic Box – we used to refer customers to her for birth charts and predictions.  I'll give her a call and see what she can come up with," Giles laid his hand on Willow's shoulder, "Well done." He left the room to use the phone, digging in his pockets for his address book.

Willow stood up, "Come on, Dawn.  Let's see what we can put together for lunch."

Xander was standing up to follow the girls out when Spike stopped him.

"Can I have a word?"

Xander sat back down, eyeing him coldly.  Spike took a seat across the table from him and took a deep breath.

"I came back here to make things right.  And this is the difficult part," he risked a little smile.  Xander didn't, "Okay.  Xander, I want to apologise for everything I've ever done or said to hurt you.  Especially that thing, I mean that night I … with Anya.  I'm sorry."

Xander didn't move for a moment.  He studied Spike's face.  Then he sighed.

"That wasn't just you.  Anya was there as well and I, well, I did leave her at the altar."

"Bloody hell!" Spike put his hands to his head in frustration.

"What's the matter with you?" Xander asked, some of their old antagonism slipping into his voice.

Spike gestured vaguely, "Why is everyone being so bloody reasonable about all this?  I did my damndest to make your lives hell!  I fucked up people's lives time and again and when I come back, everyone just says, 'oh well, that's okay; all is forgiven'.  What the hell is the matter with you people?"

It was Xander's turn to smile; it was a good question, "We've all made a mess of things in the last year, but you weren't there for the worst of it.  Since Willow went psycho on us, we've all done some changing.  I don't know about Buffy or Giles, but holding a grudge just doesn't seem as important any more."

"So, we're okay?" Spike asked hopefully.

"No.  But we will be," Xander stood up carefully and left to join the girls in the kitchen.  Spike let out a deep breath he hadn't realised he was holding and put his head down on the table.

Giles was still on the phone half an hour later as the rest of the gang sat around the kitchen eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Buffy was trying to make a shopping list; it had been embarrassing to find it was all she could offer them to eat.

Giles entered the kitchen.  He declined the sandwich offered to him by Willow with a wave of his hand.

"I'm afraid it is as serious as I feared," he told them, "I've just finished speaking to Rose, my astrological contact.  She's been trying to reach me for some time, but as the Magic Box has been closed, she hasn't been able to.  All the signs point towards someone or something trying to bring about an apocalypse."

"Well, like I said, I'm getting good at stopping those," Buffy tried to sound more optimistic than she felt.

"This is different.  I'm talking about _The _Apocalypse; the biblical Apocalypse," Giles sat down and took out the two scraps of paper, "As we already know, these are the symbols for certain planets and those planets rule certain signs of the zodiac.  Each of those signs is represented by an animal; Aries the Ram, Taurus the Bull, Scorpio is obviously the Scorpion and Capricorn the Sea-Goat.  Rose tells me that in some circles each of these animals is associated with one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  We have a theory that someone is trying to raise the Horsemen."

There was a moment of silence.

"Why do you think that?" Dawn asked eventually.

"The Four Horsemen are supposed to be 'they that lived and once were dead and now are alive for ever more'.  It fits the description of a vampire perfectly.  There will be two more victims, killed during the next two nights.  I can only assume from the planetary alignment that they will rise on the night of the lunar eclipse."

Xander cleared his throat, "And what happens then?"

Giles looked around the room, his expression unreadable, "It will be the End of Days."

Okay, so that chapter was a bit Basil Exposition, but we'll be getting to some action soon.


	5. Into the Dark

Disclaimer:                You've all heard it before; I own nothing, nada, zip.  Everything belongs to Joss Whedon, except for Simon and Jessica, who are mine.

I have just found out that SMG has quit Buffy.  

So I am dedicating this fanfic to all the other B/S shippers out there – it's over, guys.  But the dream lives on. 

Into the Dark 

****

Xander was the first to speak, "Well, that's okay then.  We just give Arnie a call and he'll set things straight." Giles glared at him, "Oookay, I'm guessing humour isn't the way to go here."

"When you say the end of days, you're talking about seven seals, angels with trumpets and the final battle, are you?" Spike asked.

"I'm afraid so."

"Um, you couldn't fill me in on what that all means, could you?" Dawn said, raising her hand, "I'm a bit unclear on the whole biblical thing."

Spike turned in his seat to face her, "Revelations says that at the end of the world, the Four Horsemen will rise, the dead will come to life and there'll be a battle between good and evil.  Just who wins is a bit hazy.  There's a whole lot of other stuff as well, but I think that may be the least of our worries."

"And you know this, how?" Xander demanded.

"I was born over a century ago.  Things were different; I know the Bible backwards, forwards and standing on my bleedin' head."

Buffy interrupted them, "But why would a vampire want to end the world?  Seems to me they've got it pretty good the ways things are."

"Maybe it isn't the Apocalypse they want," everyone turned to Willow, "Well, I mean – what if they know something we don't?  What if they know whose gonna win the battle?"

"And what if it isn't the good guys," Xander finished.

Dawn reached out and took Buffy's hand.  Her sister squeezed it back, "It's okay, Dawn; we'll stop this."

"As I see it, our best plan of action would be to prevent the Horsemen rising.  We have to find the vampire and stop her taking another victim," Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, "We still have time before sunset.  I suggest we split into two groups and search the town systematically for any sign of vampire activity."

"And if we don't find any?" Buffy asked.

"Then we'll have to hope we can find her when she's hunting."

Willow stood up, "Let's go, then."

"Dawn, you go with Giles and Xander.  Willow, you're with me and Spike.  We'll meet back here at seven; that gives us six hours to find something," Buffy got to her feet and headed into the lounge to sort out weapons.  Giles followed her.

"Buffy, is it a good idea for Dawn to come with us?  Surely she would be safer staying here or going with you and Spike."

Buffy smiled, "I'm sending her with you to protect you and Xander.  I've been training her and let me tell you; she's a Summers," she patted his arm, "Things changed around here while you were gone.  Dawn's not a Slayer, but she's pretty good.  Don't worry about her – just worry about getting yourself back here in one piece – we need your brain."

"I'll do my best," he smiled in reply.  Dawn came into the lounge and took a small axe and some stakes from the chest.  The others were right behind her.

"Is everyone ready?" Dawn asked, pulling on her coat and tucking the stakes into the pockets.  She stuck the axe into her belt and pulled the coat around her to hide it, "Then let's go."

Spike raised his eyebrows in surprise and looked at Giles.  He shrugged.  Buffy grinned at their faces, "I told you she was a Summers."  She followed her sister towards the door, ushering the men ahead of her.  Spike shook his head again, "God help us," he muttered.

Simon peered out of the gap in the curtains at the three figures in the street.  They had just come out of the apartment block on the other side of the street and two of them seemed to be having a politely heated discussion.  The sun was starting to dip in the sky.

"What are you looking at, brother?" Jessica was on the other side of the room, carefully staying out of the beam of sunlight.

"Three people.  A blonde woman, another woman; a redhead, and a man.  I think they're searching for something."

"And?" his sister's voice was calm and cold.  It always was these days.  Simon couldn't help but remember her smile, back when she used to smile for joy.  She used to laugh as well.

"I think the blonde is the Slayer," he turned to face her, pulling the curtains closed, "We have to find out what they're looking for.  You lost that boy last night and word might have reached her," Simon went to the kitchen and took the bag out of the bin, "Stay here."

"I'm just saying, you don't generally find vampires hiding out in posh apartments."

"And _I'm_ saying, Mr Smarty Pants, that we have to search the _whole_ town.  And by the way, keep your voice down.  Trying to keep up the whole secret identity thing here," Buffy folded her arms.  Spike gave up; she wasn't going to give in any time soon.  He stepped back and gave a mock bow.

"After you, love."

For Willow's benefit, Buffy folded her arms and tossed her head, shouldering him out of the way, but Spike had seen the smile before she could hide it.  It was good to be out patrolling with her again, even if they were patrolling in the wrong place.  And Buffy felt it too.  He followed her towards the next block.

"I think Spike might be right, Buffy.  I mean, look at this place.  Not really the usual smelly old vamp hideout, is it?  Y'know, with the dust and the mould and that funny kinda smell," Willow's eyes widened slightly and she turned to Spike, "No offence."

"Nah, you're right, Red.  Most of my hideouts have been pretty crap.  Goes with the territory."

The main door opened and a dark-haired young man stepped out with a trash bag in his hand.  He glanced at the three of them.

"Giles told us to search the whole town and this is in our half.  Do you want the world to end just because we didn't think vampires enjoy interior decorating?" Buffy pulled the door open and stood back to let the others in, "We'll just have a quick look around for any traces, then we'll go to the graveyards.  Okay?" She closed the door behind them.

Simon threw the bag into the bin and let the lid drop.  He followed the three into the building, fumbling in his jeans for the keys.  They were about a flight ahead of him on the stairs.  Calming his breathing, he silently prayed that they wouldn't knock on any doors and if they did, that Jessica wouldn't be stupid enough to answer it.  He reached the top, glancing around as casually as he could.  They were at the other end of the corridor, knocking on the neighbour's door.  Simon saw the man with the bleached hair look up at him and watch as he went to his own apartment.  He unlocked it and stepped inside, throwing another cautious glance behind him as he entered.  He wasn't being watched any more.  Closing the door, he leaned up against it, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"What's going on?" his sister demanded.

"It's the Slayer and two others.  They're looking for us and they'll be here in a minute.  Get into the bedroom and keep out of sight."

"I don't like hiding, Simon; it's not me," Jessica pouted, "Can't I just kill them?"

He grabbed her shoulders, turned her around and shoved her unceremoniously into the bedroom, "Well, you're hiding this time.  I need you and getting yourself staked is not the kind of help I want."  As he closed the bedroom door, there was a knock from behind him.  He checked his reflection, flicked the hair out of his eyes and opened the door.

"Hi," Buffy treated him to a dazzling smile, "I've lost my cat and I was wondering if you've seen him."

"Uh, what does he look like?" Simon was aware of the sweat dripping down his back.

"He's small and grey and he has a little blue collar with a bell on."

"No, I haven't seen him.  Do you have a number in case I do?"

Spike stepped forward, "It's okay, mate, he can't have gone far.  We were just wondering if you'd taken him in," he took Buffy's arm and started to guide her towards the stairs, "Come on, love.  We'll try the next floor down."

Simon closed the door slowly, checking that they were leaving.

"What did they want?" Jessica's voice said in his ear.

Simon spun around, "Christ, Jessica!"

She smiled slowly, her eyes still cold.

"They said they were looking for a lost cat," Simon sat down in an armchair, "we'll have to be careful tonight."

Jessica shrugged.  She didn't care about her brother's plans, as long as she got to feed.  And as long as she got to wreak havoc when the last battle started.

"A cat?" Spike asked Buffy incredulously as they left the building, "You actually went in there and asked six people if they'd seen your lost cat?  Couldn't you think of anything better than that?"

"You didn't even describe the same cat, Buffy.  It was grey, it was a tabby, it was black with a yellow collar, a red collar," Willow added her opinion.

Buffy turned on them, "Look, there is yet another Apocalypse on the way and I don't have time to come up with a detailed cover story.  I just wanted to see if I could sense anything in there."

"And did you?" Willow asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I did.  I couldn't pin it down, though.  The vamp's probably been there for a while; I couldn't tell which apartment she was in.  And it wasn't anyone we were talking to," Buffy frowned.

"Let's go back in, then."

Spike shook his head, "No, we can't just bust into people's homes and rip the place up looking for one vampire." Willow and Buffy looked at him, "What?"

"Back in the day, you wouldn't have thought twice about it," Buffy told him.

"Yeah, well, things have changed.  I reckon we should go get the others, set up a watch here and follow anything that comes out after dark."

"But what if this isn't the one we were looking for?" Willow pointed out.

"I don't think so.  If someone in that block is hiding a vampire, there's a reason they haven't been eaten yet."

Buffy nodded, "He's right.  Let's get back and tell the others," she checked her watch, "They'll be back in an hour."

The three turned and headed for home.

Giles, Dawn and Xander arrived back at Buffy's house half an hour after the others.

"Hey guys.  Did you find anything?" Xander asked, heading for the kitchen.

"Yeah.  We think there's a vampire holed up in one of the apartment blocks on the other side of town," Buffy answered.

Giles frowned, "What makes you think that?"

"Buffy felt something when we were there.  Someone in one of the apartments is harbouring a vamp, which can't be good," Willow explained.

"It sounds like the sort of thing we were looking for," Giles agreed.

"What about you?  Did you come across anything?"

Xander came back in with two cans of soda and handed one to Dawn.  He put an arm around her shoulders, "Dawn here dusted two vamps.  She was like, eat stake, bloodsuckers!"

Dawn pushed him away, "I didn't say that."

"Well, no, not those actual words.  But the implication was there.  She was a total bad ass tonight, Buff," Xander grinned.

Dawn sat down, blushing a little, "Giles got one, too."

"Hey, bit, well done.  We'll make a Slayer of you yet."

Xander started to describe the fight in detail to Willow and Spike, while Dawn sat and looked half proud, half embarrassed.  Giles took Buffy to one side.

"I noticed that Dawn fighting style is more defensive than your own."

Buffy nodded, keeping half an ear on Xander's story, "I figured that she hasn't got my strength, so I'd be better off teaching her how to defend and look for an opening."

"Well done.  We'll make a Watcher of you yet," Giles smiled, "I'm assuming we'll be going to track the vampire as soon as the sun sets?"

Buffy nodded, "We'll settle in where we can see the front and back doors, then we wait for someone to leave.  I just hope that whoever's helping that vampire didn't figure us out."

The door of the apartment flew open and Jessica swept into the room.  The old woman cowered in her armchair in front of the television, clutching the crucifix that hung around her neck.

"Simon," Jessica called.

Her brother followed her into the room, glancing around.  He crossed over to the terrified victim and snapped the necklace, throwing it away from him.  Jessica stepped up behind him, "Go and watch at the door, brother, this won't take long." She bent to the woman's neck and licked the skin gently, her hand around her victim's throat.  She could feel her shaking.  Jessica smiled and looked into the woman's eyes, "Now this is going to hurt."

Simon hurt the muffled cry behind him, his eyes flicking up and down the corridor nervously.  After a few minutes, his sister called him and he returned to arrange the body.  Jessica stood wiping her lips delicately.

"Next time, choose a younger victim; she was stale." She left the apartment and stood waiting in the corridor.

Simon finished drawing the symbol on the carpet and stood to leave.  He paused for a moment as he noticed the framed photographs hanging above the sideboard.  Her family.  Simon reached out and turned them over so that they faced the wall.

"Simon!" the sharp voice snapped him out of his contemplation and he left the apartment, closing the door softly behind him.

Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her sleep.  Spike glanced over to check she was okay, then went back to watching the apartment block.  He jumped as Willow placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Christ, Red!"

"Sorry," she grinned, "Time to change over."

Spike handed her the binoculars and moved quietly back to where Buffy was lying.  He pulled his duster around him and settled down with his arm under his head.  It had been a long day and he was asleep in seconds.

Buffy woke up to Willow shaking her.  For a moment, she couldn't work out why it was dark and why she was on the ground.

"Your turn to watch," Willow whispered, "But I can carry on if you're comfortable there."

Buffy came to her senses and realised that she had her head on Spike's chest and his arm was around her, holding her protectively.  She blushed in the dark.  She could see Willow smirking above her.  Moving slowly, so as not to wake Spike, Buffy slipped out from his embrace.  He murmured something in his sleep.  Buffy gave Willow a quick slap on the arm and slipped forward to take her turn watching.

"Willow."

She was back in their room at Buffy's house and there was a smell of roses.

"Willow."

She turned her head and saw Tara beside her.  Beautiful Tara, her blonde hair spread out across the pillow, her eyes sparkling in the morning light.

"Willow, you have to help Buffy."

Tara's lips weren't moving; her voice was in Willow's head, caressing her mind gently, calming her fears.

"I know," she replied, "But I don't know what I can do."

Tara smiled, "You have a new part to play, my love.  And I am your guide."

"I don't understand," Willow reached out and touched Tara's cheek.  It was cold.  Tara sat up and enfolded her in her arms, surrounding her in the scent of flowers, holding her safe.

"I will come to you when you need me.  I can help you, but you cannot ask it of me too often.  That is why another warrior was sent to Buffy.  One who fights out of love, not duty or friendship.  One who will give his life to protect any one of you."

"Spike," Willow murmured, burying herself in the essence of the dream, holding it in her heart.

"Yes," Tara whispered, "I can only tell you what you must do, but he is the one who can give Buffy the strength to do it.  I must go soon."

"No!" Willow looked up at Tara, tears in her eyes, "You can't leave me again.  Why do you leave me every night?"

"Because I must," she smiled, "But I can tell you that tomorrow night you must be in St Michael's graveyard on the east side of town.  The fourth victim will be taken there." Tara smiled gently and leaned down to kiss Willow tenderly on her lips.  Willow closed her eyes.

"Goodbye, my love," echoed in her mind and she woke slowly, the cold touch of Tara's lips still lingering on hers.

Spike was shaking her gently, "Red?  You okay?"

She looked up at him, her heart breaking, "It was Tara again."

Spike put an arm around her awkwardly.  She took a deep breath and leaned against him for a moment, calming herself and clearing her mind.  Then she pulled away.

"I have to talk to Buffy."

They moved quietly over to where Buffy sat.  She turned to them as they slipped into place beside her.

"Buffy, I think the vampire's taken another victim.  I think we're too late," Willow whispered urgently.

"But we've been here all night," Buffy replied, "Do you think the others missed them going out the back?"

"No, I think we missed something."

Buffy watched her friend for a moment.  There was something in her eyes.

"How do you know?" she asked.

Willow dropped her gaze, collecting herself again, "Tara told me."

Buffy nodded, "Let's go."

They made their way around to where the others were hiding around the back of the apartment block.  Giles was on watch and woke the other two when he saw them coming.  Dawn was yawning widely.  Buffy quickly communicated to Giles what Willow had told her.

"Perhaps we have missed something," he said, stretching his back out.

"Um, how many people do you suppose live in that block?" Dawn asked.  They all turned slowly to look at her, the realisation hitting them all.

"Bugger!" Spike was on his feet and heading for the back door, fumbling in his pockets for his knife.  He flicked it open as he reached the door and started to work on the lock.

"I'm not sure you should be doing that, Spike," Giles whispered urgently.

"You tell me another way of getting in without waking everybody in the neighbourhood," Spike gave the knife one last twist and the lock clicked open.  Buffy glanced back and saw Dawn taking up a defensive position behind her with Willow and Xander backing her up.  Spike swung the door wide and slipped into the dark corridor next to her.  Giles followed them.  They spread out slightly, making their way up through the building, checking the apartment doors as they went.  On the second floor, Spike found one open.  Someone had pulled it shut, trying to hide the fact that the lock had been smashed in.

"Dawn, stay back there," Buffy ordered.  Her sister rolled her eyes silently, but stayed where she was, keeping an eye on the stairs.  Spike pushed the door open, peering around the door jam.  He flinched back slightly.

"What?" Buffy whispered.

"Blood."

They made their way in, checking the other rooms.  Everything was quiet.  Giles crouched next to the body, lifting it as gently as he could to check underneath.  Buffy joined him and held the old lady's corpse while Giles copied down the latest symbol.  Spike waited by the door.  He couldn't get the smell of blood out of his system; it used to be so intoxicating, but now it sickened him.  It brought the past back, it brought the guilt back.  He could almost smell it on his own hands.  Xander touched his arm.

"You okay, man?"

Spike shook his head to clear it, "Yeah, I'm all right.  Need a cigarette, is all."

Xander decided not to push it.  He backed out and joined Dawn in the corridor.  Giles joined them a few moments later.

"We're leaving," he murmured, "They've gone, whoever they were."

"Wait a minute," Spike whispered, "How did they get out with us watching both doors?"

"How did you used to get to the Magic Box?" Buffy asked grimly.

Giles and Spike looked at each other.

"The basement."

A large hole had been smashed through the bricks in the basement.  It lead straight into the sewers.

"They could be anywhere by now," Dawn said, as she pulled away from the smell.

"Exactly.  That is why I suggest we return to Buffy's house and get some rest," Giles turned and started back up the stairs.

They sat in silence while Willow told Giles about her latest dream in detail.  By the end, Dawn was crying.  Buffy put an arm around her and squeezed her gently.

"Well, good," said Giles, standing up and replacing his glasses, "We have the location of the next attack, so we have a good chance of stopping it and averting the Apocalypse.  Thanks to Tara, tonight hasn't been a complete waste." He smiled at Willow and patted her hand, "I knew she would never leave you."

Willow returned the smile, swallowing back her own tears.

"Okay," Xander broke the mood; "I think its way past our bedtimes, don't you?  Spike, I'll flip you for the couch."

"Nah, s'okay.  I'm getting used to armchairs," Spike replied.

"Okay, so Dawn and I will sleep in the double bed in mom's old room, Giles can sleep in my bed and you two are crashing down here," Buffy threw a couple of blankets to the boys, "Pleasant dreams, children."

Buffy crept down the stairs; she couldn't sleep.  Stealing past the couch where Xander lay snoring gently, she slipped into the kitchen and almost hit the ceiling in fright when she walked into Spike.  He stepped back, his hand over his heart, registering his own shock.  They both got their breath back.

"Couldn't sleep," Buffy mouthed.

"Me neither," he replied.  Spike motioned with his head that they should go outside, holding up a cigarette as his reason.  Buffy shrugged and followed him grabbing a soda from the fridge as she did.  They settled down on the bench in the garden.

"Buffy?"

"What?" she waved the smoke away from her face.

"You didn't forgive me 'cause of my soul, did you?"

Buffy regarded him, "This has been bothering you, hasn't it?"

"Yeah.  I don't want that.  I don't want you all to think, 'oh it's okay now, Spike's got a soul.  He can't hurt anyone', 'cause that's what you thought about the chip.  If you're gonna forgive me, I want it to be because you think I've changed.  Really changed," his voice was shaking.

Buffy turned in her seat so that she could face him properly, "I do think you've changed.  You changed a long time ago; we just didn't give you a chance.  You've earned this forgiveness not just for having the guts to come back here and face us, but before that.  You've saved all of us at one time or another and you protected Dawn when you could have left.  We should have remembered that."

"Thanks, Buffy," he shook his head, "Sounds so crap, doesn't it?  Thanks.  It means more when I say it, okay?"

She smiled, "Okay."

There was a pause as they watched each other.  Spike started to get uncomfortable and fidgeted, turning away and taking a drag on his cigarette.  He searched his brain for something to say, but all he could think of was the beautiful woman sitting next to him, watching him closely.

"So, erm … Tara's still around, then."

"Spike?"

He sighed, "What?" he said, risking a look at her.  She leaned towards him, her hair swinging gently down as she tilted her head.  Spike froze.  Buffy kissed him tenderly, her soft, full lips pressing against his, her mouth slightly open.  His arms came up and held her, feeling her warmth against him.  His mouth opened and the kiss deepened.  His head was spinning too fast; the sensation was wonderful and terrifying at the same time.  He couldn't think; he couldn't stop.  _He couldn't stop_.

"No!" Spike pushed her away, standing up too quickly and falling backwards to the ground.

"What's wrong?" she was confused; she thought he still wanted her.  Was this some kind of sick payback for what she had done to him?

"I can't, not again.  Buffy, I can't risk hurting you again.  I'm not going to let it happen," he stood up again slowly, "I'm gonna go back to the crypt.  I'll see you tomorrow."

He left quickly, disappearing around the side of the house, his duster swinging behind him.  Buffy looked up at the stars, blinking back tears.  She spoke to anyone who would listen.

"Why would you do this to him?"

And in her heart, she knew that she could lose him, just as she had lost Angel.

_Thanks for all the reviews; I really appreciate it._


	6. Preparations

Disclaimer:            I'm just playing; Saint Joss owns it all.  Except Simon and Jessica.

Maybe I got a little bit emotional about SMG leaving Buffy.  I know she'll be there for at least another series, but it still means that Buffy and Spike will never have the happy ever after I wanted.  Being the romantic that I am, it hurts.

So let's put it all right in fan fiction.

Please keep reviewing – it keeps me enthusiastic.

Preparation 

****

Buffy lay next to Dawn, staring up at the ceiling.  Her sister was asleep, exhausted from the previous night.  The sun had come up about an hour before and was now shining through the flimsy curtains onto the bed, giving the room a cheerful, rosy glow.  But Buffy's mood was far from cheerful.  After Spike left, she'd tossed and turned all night, the terror in his eyes haunting her dreams when she'd managed to sleep.  She'd been lying like this for a couple of hours now.  Making a decision, Buffy slipped softly out of bed and pulled on her robe.

She opened the door to her room as quietly as she could.

"Giles!" she whispered, stifling a giggle.  The Watcher was sprawled over her bed on his back, fully dressed, his mouth slightly open and his glasses crooked across his face.  He'd fallen asleep whilst reading and the book lay across his chest, rising and falling with his gentle snoring.  Buffy sat on the edge of the bed and touched his shoulder.  He sprang upright, his glasses and the book falling to the floor.

"What!"

"It's okay, it's only me," Buffy tried not to laugh again; she'd never see Giles looking so scruffy.

"Oh, Buffy.  What time is it?"

She glanced at the clock, "It's about seven."

Giles scratched his head and picked up his glasses, "What can I do for you?"

"What about we go downstairs and I make us both some tea?  I need to talk to you."

Giles nodded and stood up, straightening his shirt.  They crept downstairs and past Xander, who was half-off the couch and snoring with abandon.  Giles settled down on one of the stools while Buffy put the kettle on.  Once she had done so, she sat down opposite him and told him what had happened between her and Spike the night before, leaving out some of the more personal details.  When she had finished, Giles was polishing his glasses vigorously.  He didn't say anything for a moment.

"Well?" prompted Buffy.

"I don't really know what you want me to say.  Your personal relationships are your own concern, despite what any of us like to think."

"I'm worried about him, Giles.  If he disappears now, he won't come back and we need him," Buffy explained.  She went to the kettle and started to make the tea.  Giles waited until she had put the mugs down and went around the island to sit next to her.

"_We _need him?" he asked, studying her face.

Buffy smiled, "All right, _I _need him.  You were right."

"Well, things have changed around here.  If you can actually say that I'm right, then anything's possible," he returned the smile.

"The problem is, now that I've come to my senses, Spike won't let me touch him.  He's terrified," Buffy sipped her tea, frowning slightly as it almost burnt her tongue.

Giles cleared his throat, "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No.  Not standing on my own two feet was what put me in this mess in the first place.  I can handle it; I just needed to talk to someone," she looked down at her hands, "I needed to know that you were okay with this."

"Buffy, I will always be here for you, no matter what you do.  Even if I'm not on the same continent, you can always turn to me."

"'Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is to ask for help when you need it.'  I know.  And I won't forget," she took his hand, "Thank you."

Giles looked embarrassed, as he always did at displays of emotion, but he squeezed her hand before taking a sip of his tea.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Xander stood in the doorway, the blanket still wrapped around him.

"I'm just gonna make some breakfast.  Want some?" Buffy knew it was a silly question.  Xander practically fell over in his eagerness to take a seat.

"Did I hear someone say 'breakfast'?" Willow wandered into the room, "Shall I go and wake Dawnie?"

"No, let her sleep.  We've got a tough night ahead of us," Giles told her, "We have to be ready at the graveyard as soon as it's dark and we may be patrolling all night."

Buffy was digging around in the refrigerator for some bacon, "In that case, I say we all have a lazy day in front of the TV."

Giles sighed, "I propose we compromise.  We should spend the morning training and working out our plan of action."

"Then TV?" Xander put forward, hope in his eyes.

"Then we can relax until it gets dark.  We will need to be rested, I admit.  And perhaps some of the mindless rubbish they broadcast in this country will serve to take our minds of the night's work," Giles agreed reluctantly.

"Wow, things really have changed," Buffy grinned.

The kick caught Giles off-guard and he staggered backwards into the punch-bag.  Dawn giggled, "Sorry."

Buffy watched from the corner, a towel slung over he shoulders.

"Good.  Your balance is good.  You don't have Buffy's strength, so you're going to have to rely on speed and balance.  I think we should stop there," Giles straightened up, "Before one of you two kills me."

Buffy walked forward, "Wait a minute," she turned to her sister, "You feel ready to take me on?"

Dawn grinned, "All my life."

"Now, be careful.  I don't want either of you hurting yourselves before tonight.  Don't make this personal," Giles warned, stepping back off the mat.

"Now would we?" Buffy smiled, circling around to her left a little.  Dawn just stood ready, waiting for her.  Buffy relaxed her stance for a moment, then went in, fists flying.  Dawn defended well, blocking her sister's blows and giving as little ground as she could.  One of the punches made it through, catching Dawn on the side of the head.  She staggered and allowed herself to fall, bringing a leg round to try and knock Buffy off-balance.  Buffy jumped over her and twisted around, so she landed facing her sister.  Dawn got to her feet quickly and aimed a kick at her stomach.  Buffy grabbed Dawn's foot and twisted it round, throwing her sister to the ground.  She followed her down and pinned her there.  Dawn struggled for a second, then gave up.  She looked pissed.

"Well done, Dawn," Giles was giving her a round of applause.

"What?  Look at me; I'm done," Her sister let her up and Dawn flounced to the side of the room, snatching up her towel and scrubbing at her face.

"You lasted longer against Buffy than a lot of vampires.  Remember, she's the Slayer," Giles walked over to the girl and put an arm around her shoulders, "I'm proud of you, Dawn."

Buffy joined them, grinning, "Me too.  You almost got me with that last kick."

Dawn was starting to look less unhappy, "Yeah, but I didn't."

"Next time, go for the head.  Even if you don't make contact, it could throw your opponent off balance," Buffy told her, "Now let's get home and see how the guys are doing with the plan."

Simon was not happy.  He sat slumped on an old and rather mouldy beanbag in a rotting cellar.  Jessica had found the place last night in an abandoned building.  Simon had argued that the first place the Slayer and her friends might look would be any abandoned buildings in Sunnydale, but his sister had been unimpressed, saying that it would all be done the next night; it would all be over.  She had taken charge, slapping him viciously when he objected; she hadn't even bothered to waste her energy on hitting him properly.  Something wasn't right; she was Jessica any more.  _How could you be so stupid?_ He asked himself, _of course she's not; she's a vampire, a killer.  She no longer has a soul._  He dragged himself to his feet, his heart aching for the past, images of his little sister as a laughing child in his mind.  _She's not your sister any more._  Moving slowly, he made his way to the door.

"Where do you think you're going, brother?"

He stopped, his back to her.

"Out."

Jessica sidled up behind him, "I asked where?"

He turned to face her, his voice trembling only slightly, "I want to go for a walk."

No, I don't think so." Her hand was on his arm, its grip tightening, "Why would you want to leave me now, Simon; this was your plan."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Yes you are.  I know you; you're walking out just when things are about to happen.  You wanted this.  Why leave now?" Jessica shook him.

Simon slumped, defeated, "I'm leaving because _this_ isn't what I wanted.  I wanted to die when you were turned, but you couldn't kill me; even without a soul, you couldn't do it.  And I couldn't live my life without you.  I loved you, Jessica, my little sister; I tried to protect you.  And I failed.  I wanted to end the world that had brought this on us.  But you wanted something else, didn't you?"

She laughed at him, her eyes shining, "Of course I did.  I'm a vampire, a demon.  I want the battle you promised.  Hundreds of years of chaos and bloodshed as the war rages.  It will be beautiful, brother." She spun him around and threw him to the floor, "And you're going to get it for me."

Spike knocked on the door hesitantly.  Xander opened it.

"Oh, it's you," he turned away and went to sit next to Willow who was studying something on her laptop.  Spike closed the door behind him and hung up his duster.  He stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs.

"No Buffy, then?"

Willow glanced up, "She's at the Magic Box with Dawn and Giles.  They're training."

"I thought the shop got trashed," Spike said, then flinched as he remembered who had trashed it.  Willow seemed to shrink into herself.

Xander stood up, "Buffy insisted on the training room being the first bit re-built.  Said she'd need it.  Anya's gone on an extended holiday 'til my boys can get the place re-done," he glanced down at Willow, "I'll get some sodas."  He pushed past Spike, glaring at him.

"I'm sorry," Spike told Willow, his voice low.

"It's okay," she smiled sadly, "I guess we've both got some things to sort out."

Spike nodded and took a seat on the other side of her.

"So, what we got here, Red?" He asked as Xander returned and handed them each a can.

"Town plans.  I figure we can cover all the entrances, but that doesn't take into account anyone going over the walls."

"Best we can do is patrol.  Maybe leave someone on the main gates just in case," Spike agreed.

"But it's the biggest graveyard in town.  We'll never be able to cover the whole thing," Xander pointed out.  Spike was about to answer when the door opened and Buffy came in, followed by Dawn and Giles.

"I just think that if hair-pulling was allowed, I would've beaten her, hands down," Dawn was saying, "Hi guys."

Spike stood up as soon as Buffy walked in, trying to get to the kitchen without being noticed.

"Spike.  You're back."

Too late.  Buffy came over to stand by him and the two of them eyed each other uncomfortably.

"We have to talk," she told him.  Spike rolled his eyes.  Still talking, still discussing things.  Even with all the changes in his life, he was still an action kind of guy; not really the sort to sit around an analyse his feelings.  It made him nervous.

"Nothing to talk about, love."

Buffy grabbed his arm and started to drag him through the kitchen, "Fine; you listen, _I'll _talk." She took him out into the garden and practically shoved him onto the bench. Standing over him, she folded her arms.  Spike slumped in his seat, his eyes lowered.  Buffy sighed and sat down on the grass.

"You've got to get over this."

"Get over what?  The pain?  The guilt?  Or maybe you want me to get over my soul?" he asked bitterly.

"All right, that's it," Buffy got up on her knees in front of him, hauled back and punched him as hard as she could.  Spike's head snapped to the side and he half-rolled, half-fell off the bench.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" he demanded, holding his cheek.

"I thought I might be able to knock some of that self-pity out of you," Buffy was mad now, "Having a soul doesn't mean being a martyr.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and do something about the guilt.  You were never a victim so stop being one now.  Jesus, Spike; get a life."  She left him lying on the grass and went back inside.

"So what's the plan?" she asked as she got back into the lounge.

Giles looked up from the town plans, "I'm afraid St Michael's cemetery has too many gates to try and prevent anyone going in.  And there are at least three entrances to the sewers in there, so it looks as if we're going to have to split up and patrol different sections."

"Sounds good," Buffy nodded, "How can we let the others know if we find anything?"

"God, Slayer; it's a wonder you haven't asked yourself that years ago," Spike came in and threw himself into an armchair, "You know, they have these wonderful inventions called cell phones.  Personally, I don't think they'll ever catch on, but maybe you could give them a try."

"What happened to your face?" asked Dawn.

Spike glanced up at Buffy, "Walked into the back door, bit," he lied.  Giles stifled a smile and turned back to the plans.

"Well, I suggest that someone goes and gets six inexpensive but serviceable cell phones," he said.

"Inexpensive?" Buffy repeated, "No way.  The Council's paying for this one, so we're getting the best of the best.  Willow, Dawnie," she turned to her sister, "Let's go shopping."

The girls had only been gone half an hour when Giles managed to corner Spike in the kitchen, where he was trying to find some food.

"Walked into the back door?"

Spike sighed, "Best I could do on short notice."

"I take it Buffy has had a word with you?" Giles smirked, much to Spike's annoyance.

"If that's what you'd call it, yeah.  Told me to stop being a martyr, pull myself together, that sort of thing." He sat down, "She's right, o'course."

Giles hesitated, then rested a hand on his shoulder, "You've come a long way already, Spike.  Now you just have to forgive yourself."  Spike looked at the Watcher's hand.  Giles withdrew it hurriedly and they both looked away awkwardly.

"Now, come and have a look at these plans."

Dawn bounced in through the door, holding a phone to her ear; "I'm walking in the door now."  

Willow was behind her with her own cell phone; "Me too."

Buffy followed them in, sighing dramatically.  She looked at the others, "They've been like this all the way home."

"Buffy, what's in that other bag?" Giles pointed with his glasses.

"Um, well, I saw this really cute shirt in a window and I went in a bought it, and while I was there, I saw a pair of trousers that went with the shirt, so I bought them…"

"Show him the boots, Buffy," Dawn told her, "They are sooo cool."

"Boots?" Giles raised an eyebrow.

"The Council are paying the bills for this place, so I thought I'd treat myself.  Y'know – relax before the big night?" Buffy pleaded.

"She does look very cute in the shirt," Willow interjected.

"I'm a girl, Giles.  Need pretty things, must look good."

Giles shook his head, but he let it drop, "Where are the phones, then?"

"Here," Dawn held up her bag, "Will's gonna put all the numbers in the speed dial, so we only have to press a couple of buttons to call each other." She started to take the cells out of her bag.

Buffy looked over at Spike, "Thanks.  It was a good idea."

He smiled, the first real smile she'd seen from him since he got back.  It looked good.

"At least I'm good for something," he replied.

"So much for relaxing in front of the TV for the afternoon," complained Xander.  It was almost dark and they were on their way out of the house.

"Yes, but at least Buffy got her new boots," Giles replied dryly.

Spike leaned over to Buffy as she closed and locked the door, "Willow was right; you do look cute in that shirt," he whispered.  She slapped him on the arm and walked past him.

"Will you lay off hitting me, Slayer!" he called after her.

They reached the cemetery just as the sun was setting and split into their groups.  Giles and Willow were covering the third closest to the main gates, Buffy and Dawn would cover the middle section and Spike and Xander the area furthest from the gates.  Neither of them had been particularly happy about it, but Buffy had threatened to hit them both and they had shut up.

Now it was almost eleven and the boys had stopped for a breather next to a crypt.  They could see most of their section from where they stood.  Spike got out a cigarette and leaned up against a headstone to smoke it.  Xander was pacing.

"Harris, will you just relax."

"It's all right for you; you can still fight.  I never learnt.  I hate this.  The running and hiding and waiting for Buffy to save us I can do, but this … I hate this," Xander carried on pacing.

"I heard you saved the world, mate," Spike walked over to him, "Never did say thanks for that," he offered a hand.  Xander hesitated, then shook it.  "Saving the world – more than I ever did.  I'm impressed," Spike went back to leaning on the headstone, "I just did me level best to cause a bit of havoc.  Thought that was what I should be doing, y'know, being a vampire and all, but now, …"

"Shut up, Spike," Xander interrupted.

"What?  I'm trying to be friendly here …"

"I said, shut up, Spike.  They're here."

Spike whirled around and saw a tall vampire striding towards them, her dark hair flying behind her.  She was followed by at least ten more vamps.

Xander swallowed, "And they brought some friends."

This chapter's a bit shorter than the others because I have only decided what's going to happen up until this point.  As soon as I've worked out the rest, I'll be back with the next bit.


	7. Illusions

Disclaimer:            Do I really have to say it every time?  All of the characters, etc. belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy.  Only Simon and Jessica are mine.

Sorry it's taken so long for this chapter – I've been getting married, then going away on honeymoon and I've just started rehearsals for an amateur panto production, so forgive me if it takes a bit longer to get the rest of the story up.

This is kind of a fill-in chapter while I work out where I'm going.  Sorry

Please keep the reviews coming – you've all been really nice about this fic, so I might try another when this one's done.

BTW, please ask my permission when it comes to distribution – I'll have to think about it.  I'm a bit shy.

****

**Illusions**

****

Spike glanced around.  There wasn't any cover.

"Harris, get on the phone."

"Already way ahead of you, pal," Xander backed up slowly, the phone to his ear.

"Tell her to meet us in front of the east gate." Spike reached into his duster pocket and took out a stake.  The vampires were gaining on them, taking their time and gauging the lay of the land before they attacked.  _The lady's got brains_, he thought to himself.  Behind him, Xander had relayed the message to Buffy and was standing ready, a stake in one hand and a small axe in the other.

"What now?"

Spike glanced over his shoulder at Xander, "Now, we run."

"What?"

"Make sure they can see you, don't get too far ahead of them," Spike said, starting to back up.

"Great; we're the bait," Xander turned and shouted back over his shoulder as he started to run, "I _hate _this!"

Buffy and Dawn were waiting behind a tree near the east gate when Giles and Willow arrived, out of breath.  Buffy signalled towards a patch of bushes opposite her position and they dropped out of sight behind them just as Xander sprinted around the corner.  Spike was close behind him.  He glanced around, spotted the others and turned to face the vampires.  Jessica was first to reach them.  She pulled up a distance away from him and watched, her head on one side.  When her company arrived, she stopped them.  She moved forward slowly, her eyes darting around.

"An ambush?" she smiled, "Oooh good, I like a fight."

Spike shrugged and launched himself at her.  She ducked under his first blow, blocked the next and backhanded him hard.  Buffy and Dawn were already halfway there before the other vampires realised what was going on.  A crossbow bolt whistled past Xander's ear and he glanced back to see Willow on her feet, trying to re-load.  Jessica had moved away and Spike was being held by one of the bigger vampires, another one punching him repeatedly.  Dawn was trying to fight her way through to him, deflecting attacks as best she could.  Buffy staked one vamp as she moved over to Giles.  He swung his sword, taking off his opponent's head and turned to her.

"Back up Xander; I'll go with Dawn," Buffy told him, spinning around and kicking another attacker.  Giles nodded and ran to Xander's side, swinging the sword at any vamp that came near them.  Buffy punched one in the face and brought her stake down hard.  She ran through the dust as it spread, towards her sister, who was struggling with another vampire.  He had both her wrists in his hands and was bending her back.  Buffy staked him viciously in the back.  Dawn smiled tightly in thanks and looked over to Spike.  He threw his head back, smashing it into the vampire's face, then spun and punched him hard.  The other one kicked him in the face and he fell back down again, the stake flying from his hand.  He looked up and saw the vamp coming towards him again.  Spike threw himself to the side, feeling something hit him in the side as he rolled away from the attack.  Rolling back, he saw Dawn spin his opponent around and stake him.  Buffy had just finished off the other one.  Pulling himself up, he saw Xander on top of another vamp, holding her down, while Giles took her head off with his broadsword.  Willow fired her crossbow again and the last vampire burst into dust.  Everyone looked around, checking for more.

"Where's the leader?" Giles asked.  Buffy spun round, searching for her.

"Did anyone get her?" Dawn asked.

"I had her for a couple of seconds, but she left me to her pals.  Didn't see her after that," Spike said, getting to his feet.  He felt strangely dizzy.  Dawn was staring at him, "What?"

"You're bleeding," she whispered.  Spike looked down.  There was blood on his shirt, the material sticking to his body.  He moved his duster to the side and saw his own stake sticking out of him, just below the ribs.

"Bugger," he said, as his legs slowly gave way under him and he collapsed back to the ground.

Dawn dropped to her knees next to him and took hold of the stake.  Spike grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Leave it for now, bit."

"But we've got to get it out of you."

"Just wait a sec, OK?" Buffy told her, "Will, can you have a look at that?  See what you can do?" 

"Stop fussing," Spike complained, "I've had worse than this before, you know."

"You weren't human before," Buffy reminded him, "so just lie back and think of England.  Willow and Dawn can look after you.  We need to go and look for that vamp."

Willow handed the crossbow to Xander and watched as they headed off into the cemetery.  She knelt down next to Dawn and lifted Spike's shirt as gently as she could.

"He's losing a lot of blood right now, but I don't see any bubbles, so I don't think it punctured the lung.  We need to stop the bleeding.  Dawnie, make a pad out of something."

"Use my shirt; it's got enough blood on it already," Spike told them.

They helped him get his shirt off and put his duster back on.  Dawn was starting to look a little queasy as she watched Willow inspecting the wound.

"OK, now we're going to have to take out the stake.  Dawnie, I want you to be ready to press down as hard as you can as soon as I take it out." She looked up at Spike, "This is going to hurt."  He nodded.  Willow got a good grip on the stake. "After three.  One, two, three."

She pulled the stake, twisting it slightly and Dawn leaned on him heavily, her hands pressing on the padded up shirt and her face white.

"Jesus!" he yelled, "Christ, Red!  Bloody hell, that hurts!"

Willow was taking her belt off and trying to slip it under him.  She tightened it up around him to hold the makeshift pad in place and sat back.  Spike was breathing heavily and his skin was clammy.  Dawn wrapped his duster tighter around him and stood up to take off her jacket, placing it gently over him to try and keep him warm.

"Over there," Giles pointed into the dark, "Through those trees."

They made their way over to the shape on the ground.  It was a young man, perhaps in his twenties, blank eyes staring up at the stars.  Under his arm, they could see the blood used to hastily draw the symbol.  Giles sighed.

"What now?" Buffy asked.

"I have no idea," he replied gently, bending down and closing the victim's eyes.

"What?" Xander demanded, "You're a Watcher; you're supposed to know these things."

"Wait!  The Horsemen are vampires, right?  So we make sure this one doesn't come back and there's only three Horsemen."

Giles turned slowly towards Buffy, a look of realisation on his face.  "And with only three, the Apocalypse cannot take place.  Revelations is very clear on that point.  Help me move the body."

Buffy and Xander picked up the young man and moved him to one side, while Giles fumbled around in his bag, bringing out a large bottle.  He poured the contents liberally over the symbol and they watched the fresh blood washing away down the slope.  Giles knelt and scrubbed at the grass with his jacket, removing as much of the traces as he could.

"What was that?" Xander asked.

"Holy water.  Just to be on the safe side," Giles replied, picking up his sword again.  Buffy stood over the body.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and brought a stake down hard into the corpse's chest.  She stepped back and Giles swung the sword down, severing the head from the body.  Xander looked away.

"It's OK, there's hardly any blood.  He's been drained, remember?"  Buffy looked down at the remains, "We should bury him."

Giles nodded, "Yes.  We'll bury the body at one end of the cemetery and the head at the other.  Xander, I think you had better go and get your car whilst we take care of this.  We need to get Spike home and patched up properly."

Xander nodded and headed towards the nearest gate, still holding the crossbow ready, just in case.  Buffy bent and took the body under the arms.

"We won't be able to bury this now, so we'll hide it and come back later with a couple of shovels."

Giles picked up the head gingerly and started towards the other end of the graveyard.

 "Have you lot ever thought it might be easier to have some first aid stuff in one of your bags of equipment?" Spike asked.  His voice sounded faint to him, and the words were slurring a little, but he kept talking just to keep his mind on something.  "I mean after all these years of fighting the forces of darkness, you would've thought one of you would have said 'Oh look, I'm bleeding again; maybe I should be carrying some basic medical supplies with me?'"

Dawn and Willow smiled slightly.

"Be quiet and behave yourself," Dawn told him."

He lay back again.  He knew better than to argue with a Summers.

"We should call 911."

Willow shook her head, "We can't take him to a hospital.  He hasn't got any ID, we don't have a decent explanation for this and we're still not sure… " Her voice trailed off.

"Not sure if I'm totally human," Spike finished for her.  She blushed.

"I'm sorry.  I just meant, we don't know if you've still got those awkward-to-explain vampire healing abilities"

"Well, OK.  But we have to get him home soon and fix him up," Dawn smiled at him, "I'm not going to let you bleed to death in a cemetery."

"Thanks niblet," he smiled back at her.  Then he passed out.

Buffy got back to them just as Xander pulled up at the gate in his car.  Willow looked up at Buffy.

"He's still bleeding."

"We should've called 911," Dawn told them.

"Let's just get him to the car," Buffy crouched down next to him and stroked his cheek gently, "Willow, you make sure that pad doesn't move.  Xander and I will lift him.  OK?"

Giles jogged up to them, slightly out of breath.

"How is he?"

"We have to get him home fast," Buffy told him.

They managed to lift him gently and get him to the car, where they laid him across the back seat.

"We'll meet you back there," Giles told Buffy as she got into the passenger seat.  She nodded and closed the door.

"Promise to a lady," Spike muttered behind her and she turned to look at him.  She hadn't seen him in such a bad way since Glory, but he had been a vampire then.  Now he was human and he could die.

"Drive fast," she told Xander.

Between them, they managed to get Spike upstairs and laid him on Buffy's bed.  When the others arrived, Buffy was emerging from the bathroom with her hands full of dressings.  Dawn raced up the stairs.

By the time her sister got in the room, Buffy was undoing the belt and discarding the shirt.  There was already blood on the bed sheets.

"…hurt the one you love," Spike sighed gently.

Buffy was cleaning the wound quickly, pouring the antiseptic into it and around it, as she tried to wipe away the blood.

"I think he's stopped bleeding for the moment.  Dawn, go and get some super glue."

"What?  Do you even know what you're doing?"

Buffy glanced up at her. "I saw it in a film.  We'll use the glue to hold the edges together, then we'll bandage it up tight and hope it holds."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then we make up a story and take him to a hospital."

Dawn got up and headed for the door.

"Do you really know what you're doing?"  Willow asked Buffy gently when she had gone.

"I hope so.  Dawn was right; we should've called an ambulance, but it's too late now." Buffy sighed, "Spike's got a hole in him and we've gotta do something."  

Dawn raced back in and threw herself down next to her sister, holding out the small tube of glue.  Buffy took it.

"OK.  You hold the edges together, I'll glue it.  Willow, you go and get some of those little butterfly bandage things and some more dressings from the bathroom." She glanced down at Dawn, "Ready?"

Spike fought his way through to consciousness, his mind still surrounded by fog.  His body ached dully.  He forced his eyes open and looked around, the room swimming in front of him.  He tried to sit up, but fell back again as the pain stabbed through his side.

"Bollocks," he muttered to himself.

"You'd better lie still; you don't want it coming open again," Buffy was standing in the door way with a glass in her hand.  She came over and sat next to the bed.

"How long have I been out?" he asked, taking the offered glass.

"Most of the night; it's almost morning.  Giles and Xander have just got back from burying the body we found."

Spike raised his eyes questioningly as he drained the water.  Buffy settled back in the chair and explained what had happened after they had left to get the vamp, explaining that they had made sure the latest victim would not rise.

"And seeing as the Apocalypse is supposed to start tonight, I don't think we're all gonna disappear into the Hellmouth just yet."

Spike nodded.

"What's the matter with you?  You got that broody thing going again." Buffy asked.

"I let you down.  I should've got that bitch vamp when I had the chance.  Jumpin' in there like I was still immortal was stupid.  You must think I'm a right poof, passing out like that."  Spike dropped his gaze.

Buffy stopped herself smiling, "None of us do.  You lost a lot of blood and you'd taken a pounding from those vampires.  No-one thinks you're a poof." She took the glass from him and put it on the table, "Except Xander."

"Oh, yeah; right.  Bit of sympathy here, love." Spike smiled.  Buffy got up and pulled the sheets to the side.

"Now let's have a look at that dressing.  I might have to change it."  She sat on the edge of the bed and bent to gently peel back the edge of the dressing, her hair swinging down and brushing against his arm.  He wanted to touch it, to push it back behind her ear, feel it soft and fine in his hand.  He moved his arm away.  Buffy pulled a little more of the dressing off and took a closer look at the wound.  Unconsciously, she rested her hand on his stomach as she leaned forward.  He could feel her gentle breathing on his skin.

"Well, it looks like you still have some of that vampire healing thing going.  It's not as quick as it used to be, but it's as least as good as me, " Buffy looked up at him.  He had a strange look on his face. "What?"

He shook his head, "Nothing.  Just, could you… I mean…," he trailed off and gestured at her hand, still resting familiarly on his skin.

Slowly, Buffy moved her hand.  She sighed, "I thought you were over that."

"No," he said quietly, "Not yet."

There was a pause.  Spike didn't look up at her.  He wasn't sure if he could right now.  It had been so comfortable, so close.  That was why he had to pull back, to make himself distant from her.

"Spike, I know this is difficult, but that's because your soul is still all new and shiny." Buffy cleared her throat, "But it will get easier.  One day, you'll be able to forgive yourself."

"How do you people live with this?"

"I don't know.  It's just a part of you and you'll get used to it, just like you got used to losing it, or getting that chip.  You'll adapt.  I know you; you always do." Buffy took his hand, "Hey, you're doing better than some humans.  There are a lot of people out there who just ignore their soul and don't let it talk to them.  I just hope you don't turn into one of those.  I know it hurts, but I hope your soul stays shiny and new."

He looked up at her, frowning, "Why?  Why would you want me to suffer?"

"I don't want you to suffer.  It's just that… I think that… I mean, with your soul, I think… I could love you one day." Buffy couldn't look at him, so she concentrated on their hands.  Spike didn't speak; he wasn't sure if he was breathing, his chest suddenly felt tight and heavy and his mind was blank.  _Say something, you prat, _he told himself, _don't just sit there like a pillock; say something._

"Oh," he said when he could breathe again.  Buffy started to laugh.

"What?"

"I've just never seen you speechless before," she giggled.

"Oh, charming." He reached out and tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, smiling at her, "Thank you."

She put her hand over his as it brushed her cheek and smiled back, her beautiful eyes still sparkling at him.  Then, she was leaning towards him and her lips were on his, gently brushing them at first, then more forceful, more insistent.  He kissed her back, his hands moving to her shoulders and pulling her closer on the bed.  Buffy could feel his warm flesh pressing against her through her shirt and marvelled at the touch of it; he was human, he was alive.  Spike shifted his body and pulled her on top of him as he lay back.  She moaned softly.

Giles tactfully cleared his throat, "Er… Buffy?"

Buffy tried to sit up, but only managed to press her hand against Spike's injured side.  He yelled in pain and she slipped off the side of the bed, hitting the floor with a loud thump.  Spike groaned and held his side.   Buffy bounced to her feet.

"Hi Giles."

"Erm, yes.  Er… could you come down and have a word with your sister?" Predictably, Giles was polishing his glasses, "I felt she should get some rest as she has been up all night and she is refusing to go to bed.  She says she wants to check on Spike."

Spike swung his legs off the bed, wincing slightly, "I'll talk to her." He stood up slowly and glanced around the room, "D'you have a shirt I could borrow?"

"If you fit into one of my shirts, I'll kill myself," Buffy went over to the set of drawers, "You can borrow a t-shirt."  She tossed one over to him and went to the door. "I'll go and have a word with my teenage sister.  See you down there."

When she had gone, Giles turned to Spike and replaced his glasses.

"Just so that you know; if you hurt her, I will hurt you."

Spike pulled the shirt over his head, Buffy's scent surrounding him.  He met the Watcher's gaze.  He nodded.

"I know." He went to the door and slid past Giles, "Let's go and sort out the little bit."

The door flew open and slammed hard against the wall, plaster falling to the filthy floor.  Simon looked up at his sister framed in the doorway, her face a picture of rage, her hands uncurling and curling into fists.

"It's over." Her voice was dangerously low.

"What do you mean?" Simon stood and faced her, his heart pounding.

"They found the body.  The Slayer and her gang found him.  We've failed, brother."

Simon turned away.  He knew he was expendable now.  Jessica hadn't been able to kill him when she first turned, but she had changed recently.  The taste of power had turned her again; turned her into something he didn't recognise and couldn't control.  His baby sister was finally dead.  He turned back to her and watched her face, once so beautiful to him, twisted in fury as she picked up a chair and smashed it against the wall.  She screamed.

"I wanted a war, Simon.  You were supposed to give me a war!" She slumped against the wall, suddenly calm. "I wanted chaos."

Pushing herself away from the plaster, she seemed to reach a decision.

"If you can't give me an Apocalypse, I'll have to make my own fun.  I'm going to sleep now and you'd better be here when I wake up.  We're going to make some mischief tonight."

Simon watched her go, the pain in his chest swelling until he felt he would never breathe again.  He knew what he had to do.

It was getting dark again, Buffy noticed as she cleared away the dinner things.  Where had the day gone?  She could hear the others in the sitting room, arguing about what music to put on.  Xander had suggested having a little party to celebrate averting another end of the world and everyone had agreed enthusiastically.  It had been a while since they had been able to celebrate anything and Buffy knew that underneath the excuse, her friends wanted to make this a party for Willow's return and for the return of their old joy in just simply being friends.  She smiled to herself.

"Buffy, tell Giles he's not allowed to chose the music." Dawn was at the kitchen door, pouting.

Giles appeared next to her, "Buffy, tell Dawn I will not put up with her choice of, quite frankly, bloody awful music."

Buffy's smile faded.  _It's tough being a mom,_ she told herself, sighing.

"OK, that's it.  I'm letting Spike choose."

She ignored the protests as she walked past them and deposited some cans of beer on the table.

Ten minutes later, Spike had pushed back the table and the sofa and was showing Dawn how to 'pogo'.  Generation X was on the stereo and Spike was in his element.  Buffy and Willow were on the sofa watching and trying to keep their toes out of the way of some of the more enthusiastic 'dancing'.  Giles was in the corner looking suspiciously like he was enjoying himself.  He had been heard to mutter something like 'at least it's not some American teenager' before he settled down with his drink.  Xander had disappeared in to the kitchen to look for some snacks, despite having only eaten half an hour before.

Later on, everyone had joined the dancing and a vase had been sacrificed to the god of parties by a stray swing of Xander's arm.  Even Giles had joined in when a slightly drunken Willow had put on the wrong CD and The Rolling Stones made a brief appearance.  They had been partying for about two hours when Buffy felt her Slayer strength flagging.  She slipped out of the room, laughing at her sister's unusual approach to the Time Warp as she went.  Grabbing another beer from the fridge, Buffy went out into the garden and sat on the porch steps, looking up at the clear sky, the sound of her friends' laughter drifting out behind her.

"You OK, pet?"  Spike came and sat next to her.

"Yeah.  I just needed some air."

They both fell into a comfortable silence, Buffy still looking at the stars and Spike searching for his lighter in his pockets.

"I hid it." Buffy said without looking at him.

"What?"

"Your lighter.  I hid it when you and Giles were arguing about whether Rubber Soul was better than the White Album." She grinned.

"White Album.  No contest," Spike tucked the cigarette back in the packet, "Why?"

Buffy turned to him, "I just glued you back together.  I'm not gonna let you kill yourself with those things.  So you can either go and buy another lighter, and I'll just hide that one, or you could give up smoking."

"Or I can ransack your house to find it."  Buffy hit him on the arm. "I like that bloody lighter," he grumbled.

There was another pause.

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?" She was watching the sky again.

Spike reached out and turned her face to him.  God, she was beautiful in the moonlight, her skin pale and soft, her hair shining silver-gold. "What you said earlier… about, you know, about… loving me.  I was… well, I was wondering…"

Buffy smiled slightly; it was strange to see him, usually so confident, lost for words again. "Hey, I didn't say I loved you."

He dropped his gaze, "Oh, yeah.  Sorry." He stood up quickly and pulled his duster around him, "I'd better see what that lot are up to."

"Spike, wait." She got up and went to him. "Let me finish.  I didn't say I loved you, but I did say I could fall in love with you one day."

He could have sworn his heart had stopped again.  "Well, with something like that to hope for, I can keep my soul shiny for as long as you want." He put a hand to her cheek again as she leaned towards him and put her arms around him.  He bent his head and buried it in her neck, holding her as close as he could, his arms around her waist, pulling her to him.  She kissed him softly on the check and leaned back a little to press her lips to his.  Spike was lost again; lost in her scent, lost in her.

"Slayer!" the word rang out across the garden.

"Bloody hell," Spike growled, "What now?"

Buffy broke away from him and turned.  Standing in the middle of her garden was the young man they'd seen at the apartments.  He hadn't shaved for a few days and his clothes were a mess.

"You've failed, Slayer.  My sister is on the rampage tonight and she thinks we've lost, but we haven't.  You stopped the End of Days, but you didn't stop the war."  Simon sighed, "Three of the Horsemen have risen."


	8. Confrontations

Disclaimer: BtVS belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy – I'm just playing and wishing for what might have been.  But Simon and Jessica are mine (if a little cliché).

OK, I've had a complaint from a friend of mine who is a big Anya fan.  So, I want to apologize to _all_ the Anya fans out there.  I did try and bring her back from her holiday, but I have found out that I can't write her – I can't get a realistic Anya, so I'd rather leave her out.  Give me some time and some practice and I might put her in another fic.

So, here goes – on with the plot…

Confrontations

Buffy and Spike stood and stared for a moment.  Spike was vaguely aware that his arm was still around her waist and he could still smell her closeness.

Simon hesitantly took a step forward. "We have to stop them."

"We?  Listen, Mate; _we _don't have to do anything."

"My sister could destroy this town with three of the Horsemen at her side," the young man visibly slumped, "And after that, I don't know what she'll do.  I'm here to try and help."

Automatically, Buffy put out a restraining hand and stopped Spike, "You'd better come in."

"My name is Simon Fields.  Jessica was my sister.  About a year ago, she was killed by a vampire.  I didn't know back then that they even existed, so when she turned, I didn't know what to expect.  I thought she would be… I thought she was suffering."

"Too many Anne Rice books, huh?" Willow asked.

Simon nodded, "I couldn't live with that.  I loved her more than anything in this world and I wanted revenge.  I wanted to end the world that had caused her pain.  I didn't understand; she wasn't suffering, she was enjoying herself.  I thought Jessica couldn't kill me after she turned because I was her brother; her own blood, but she wouldn't kill me because she saw what I wanted.  I could give her the chaos her demon craved, so she still needed me.  Now I understand.  My little sister has gone; she died a year ago and whatever came back wasn't my Jessica.  It was an evil, soulless thing." He paused to take a sip of water.  Buffy glanced at Spike.  He was sitting in the corner, staring blankly ahead.  His hands were gripped tightly together and when Dawn touched his arm, he visibly started.  Dawn looked askance.

"I'm fine, bit," he smiled.

Simon replaced the glass on the table and ran his hands through his hair wearily, "I was successful in one way.  Three of the Horsemen have risen and Jessica will have her chaos."

"Of course.  Preventing one from rising only put a stop to the Apocalypse," Giles interrupted, "It could not prevent the rising of the others because they have already been turned.  They're vampires; they must rise.  How could I have been so blind?"

"And I've given them power." Simon whispered.

"Great.  Now what?" Xander demanded.

Spike got to his feet slowly, his eyes fixed on Buffy. "We kill them."

Buffy nodded and turned to the chest.  She handed out the weapons to the others quickly, then stood and made for the door.  Spike pulled on his duster and handed Xander his jacket.

"What about me?" Dawn asked.

"You're staying here and locking all the doors and windows," her sister told her.

Dawn folded her arms and pouted, "No way.  I'm coming with you.  I can fight.  I can…"

"No," Spike put a hand on her shoulder," These aren't normal vampires, niblet."

"That's not fair!  You can't just…"

There was a crash from the dining room.  Buffy was the first to get there, just as one of the curtains caught fire.  There was glass everywhere from the smashed window.  Spike pushed past her and dragged the burning curtain to the floor, stamping out the flames.  Another bottle flew through the window and smashed at his feet, igniting his duster.  He dropped to the floor and started to roll as Buffy and Xander threw the remaining curtain over him and beat out the flames.

"The table.  Help me," Giles was struggling to overturn the heavy dining table.  Willow and Dawn helped him to drag it over to the window and push it over to block the window.  Xander pushed the sideboard into place behind it.

"You OK?" Buffy asked Spike as he untangled himself from the curtain, holding his side and swearing under his breath.  He tried to sit up, then lowered himself back to the floor.

"Just gimme a sec," he gave her a little smile, "Why's it always me?"

Buffy grinned, "It's more fun that way."  She got up and turned to the others. "Board up the windows and lock the doors."

Spike struggled to his feet, leaning on Dawn for a moment.  Buffy moved to the window in the lounge and peered out.  Jessica was standing in the middle of the street, surrounded by vampires.  Most of them were armed.

"Coo-ee!  Brother!  I'm going to rip your heart out with my bare hands!"

"Charming girl," Giles noted.  Spike opened the front door a little and took aim with a crossbow.  Simon threw himself forward and knocked it to one side, the bolt flying harmlessly into the night.

"No!"

Jessica laughed and ran out of range down the street.

Spike grabbed Simon, "You said yourself she wasn't your sister.  She's a bloody vampire – we gotta kill her."

"I know.  But _I_ have to do it."

Spike let go of him.  Digging into his pocket, he brought out a stake, handing it to Simon.

"When you do, make it quick.  Best thing you can do for your sis," he told him gently.  He slammed the door and dragged a dining chair over to wedge under the handle.

"What're they doing, Buffy?" Willow asked.

"She's just standing there."

Xander appeared from the cellar, odd bits of wood under his arm and a couple of hammers in his hand.

"Dawnie's locked the back and she's putting some boards up." He handed some nails and the hammer to Willow. "Start on the windows.  I'll go and see what else I can find."

"Wait! She's doing something." Buffy opened the curtain a little more, "She's sending some of them around the back."

Xander dropped the wood and grabbed another crossbow.  Spike was already in the kitchen.  He dragged Dawn away from the door and peered out of the window.

"Can't see a bloody thing," he muttered.

The glass in the back door shattered.  A hand came through and the vampire on the other side started to try and lever the wood away from the doorframe.  Spike turned in time to see Dawn bring the hammer down as hard as she could on the arm; he heard the sickening sound of bone breaking.  Dawn hit the vamp again and pulled back the hammer for the third time.  Spike caught her arm.

"I think you got him, bit."

She grinned at him sheepishly and put the hammer down.  The shattered arm had been withdrawn, but there were more vampires at the window, smashing the glass on the outside and trying to get past the temporary blocks that had been put up.  Spike fired the crossbow wildly at them and was pleasantly surprised to see a vampire turn to dust.

"Holy water!" Dawn turned and ran out of the kitchen as Spike picked up the hammer and started smashing it onto the hands and fingers tearing at the wood.  He could hear shouting from the lounge and the occasional whine of a crossbow being fired.  Dawn raced back in, tearing at the top of a small bottle, splashing it wildly over the vampires.  The hands were pulled back out of range.

In the lounge, the vamps had broken through the front door and the fighting was at close quarters.  Willow was firing bolts randomly at the group who were trying to get through the window, while Xander and Buffy held back the few who had tried to get in the door.  They were picking them off easily.

There was a shout from outside.  The vampires turned and ran.  Buffy slammed the door closed again and dragged the sofa in front of it.  Spike and Dawn ran in.

"Where'd they go?"

Xander shrugged, "Was it me, or were they real easy?"  Dawn smirked at him. "I mean, easy to kill.  I didn't mean, y'know, 'easy', as in… oh, never mind," he glared at Dawn.

"What?  I can't have a sense of humour?"

"Not that kind, no," her sister told her.

Willow peered through the window between the boards. "What did they want?"

"Me."

They turned to Simon who stood in the corner, the stake still in his hand.  "I left her, so now she's going to kill me."

"No offense, but why hasn't she?" Giles asked, coming in from the dining room, "Why warn us of their presence first?  There are at least fifty of them out there; they could have got in here and killed us all without losing as many of their number, if they hadn't let us prepare."

"Jessica's playing with us.  She wants us trapped and scared, just to make it more fun."

Spike shook his head, "No, there's more to it.  Vampires aren't too ready to get killed just for a bit of a laugh."

"Well, we don't have time to stand around discussing it," Buffy said, "We need to put up better barriers.  Use the furniture; use anything that'll make it difficult for them."

"Why don't we just fight our way out and go somewhere easier to defend?" Dawn asked.

"You heard Giles; there's too many of them," Xander put his arm around her shoulder.

"We have to be quick," Willow's voice was strange and distant.  Her eyes were unfocussed, but seemed to be looking at a spot near the top of the stairs. "They're going to distract us at the front and make their real attack upstairs.  In about ten minutes." Her eyes focused again and she looked back to the others.  Buffy glanced up the stairs.

"Was it…?"

"Yes.  She's still helping us.  She's still with me."

Spike started up the stairs, "Harris, come and help me."

"Yeah," Xander followed him, looking vaguely unsettled.

Ten minutes later, they were still preparing.  Spike and Xander had dragged furniture and beds in front of all the upstairs windows and Dawn had put as many chairs as she could on the stairs to make it difficult for any vamps who might make it past the barricades.  Willow and Buffy had taken the cellar door down and used it to block the back door and Simon was just finishing nailing the front door firmly shut.  Giles was piling anything he could in front of the remaining windows when the attack came.

This time, they were almost ready for it.  As Willow had said, most of the vampires concentrated on the front, desperately trying to break through the barriers.  Everyone stood ready in case they succeeded.  After a few minutes of noise, they could hear Jessica in the back garden, screaming abuse at the vampires trying to get in upstairs.  Spike moved over to Buffy and pulled her gently away from the others.

"What if they try and burn the place down?  We'll never get out of here." He kept his voice low.

Buffy glanced over to make sure none of the others had heard him, "Whatever they're up to, I'm hoping Jessica still wants her brother alive.  Burning him would be less satisfying."

"I hope you're right, love."

She smiled slightly, "We can hold out in here until sunrise if I'm right.  If I'm wrong, there's not much I can do about it."

Outside, the noise stopped.  They waited, straining to hear anything.

"What now?" Dawn broke the silence.

"They've given up." Xander replied.

Spike moved to the lounge window, "Don't you believe it, mate." He picked up a hammer and reversed it, easing the nails out and sliding the coffee table quietly to one side.  He put his eye to a gap in the boards.

"Shit!" He threw himself to the side as a bolt flew past him, ripping his duster and burying itself in a cushion on the floor.  Xander and Buffy hurled themselves against the table and slammed it back into place.  Giles hammered the nails back in.

"Well, I'd say they're armed," Spike grinned as Dawn helped him to his feet.

"OK, so we're not going anywhere for a while.  Got any cards?" Xander pulled the crossbow bolt out of the cushion and settled himself down.  He looked up at the others watching him. "What?"

Buffy yelled in triumph, "Yes!  That's $200!"

Spike threw his cards down in disgust, "Remind me not to play for real cash with you."

Buffy pulled the pile of Monopoly money towards her.  She was sitting in the middle of the floor with Spike, Xander and Dawn.  They had reinforced the barricades, settled down and had been playing poker for a couple of hours now.  The noise from outside had been coming and going, but getting less and less enthusiastic as the night wore on.  It had been quiet for half an hour.  Giles had found a corner and was reading.  Willow was curled up asleep next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, a blanket covering her.  Simon was also asleep.  He had settled with his back against the barricade and was muttering occasionally under his breath.

"Is it light yet?" Dawn whined.  In front of her were three Monopoly dollar bills.

"Another hour yet, bit."  He started to deal the cards again.

"No, don't bother," Buffy told him, "I'm gonna go and get cleaned up.  I feel like I've been wearing these clothes for a week."

"What about the vampires?" her sister asked.

"I don't think they're getting in here any time soon."

Xander looked up, "Maybe that should be our new strategy; barricade ourselves in and bore the forces of darkness to death."

Buffy grinned and got to her feet, "Won't be long.  Give me a call if you need me."

They played a few more hands, but Dawn's heart wasn't really in it, even after the boys started to let her win.

"I'm hungry," she moaned.

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes, "Kids."

"Who'd have them?" Xander finished.  He got up and dragged Dawn to her feet, "Come on then, Dawnie.  Let's see what calorie-filled goodness you have in there."  The vampires were back, hammering listlessly on the barriers.  Spike joined the others in the kitchen, just in case something managed to get through.

"Everything OK?" Buffy called from upstairs, the shower running in the background.

"Yeah, no problem, love," he told her.  The bathroom door closed again.

Dawn was humming to herself and gathering the ingredients for what appeared to be a cereal and assorted cheese sandwich when Spike entered the room.  Xander was standing out of the way, a look of vague disgust on his face.

"D'you think Buffy'd mind if I smoked in the cellar?" Spike asked.

Dawn glared at him. "I told you to give those things up."

"Sorry, niblet; can't.  Not even for you." He shrugged.

Dawn gestured vaguely at the cellar steps with a piece of bread, "Knock yourself out."

Spike settled himself in a corner of the cellar with his back to the wall and lit his cigarette.  He rested his head back against the wall and listened to the muffled sound of the conversation drifting to him from the kitchen, smiling to himself when he heard Dawn's laugh.  He took another drag, letting the almost quiet of the house wash over him, allowing himself to stop thinking; to just be for a moment.  Upstairs, Xander and Dawn faded slightly; they must have gone back into the lounge.  He stood and ground the cigarette out on the dirt floor.  His stomach growled and he smiled again; it was still strange to feel that and not crave something warm and red.  Slowly, he made his way up to the kitchen.  Buffy was filling the kettle at the sink and she turned and smiled at him.  He stopped dead in his tracks, half way into the room.  His mind had gone blank again, but this time it was different.  He stared at her for a moment, his mouth working soundlessly, the static in his head clouding his thoughts.  She was wearing the robe she'd had on when he had tried to rape her; her hair was swept back in the same kind of loose ponytail - she looked just the same.  Just as beautiful, just as delicate.  The last few days were lost to him; all the pain flooded over him again.  His head dropped to his chest and his breathing became heavy.

"Spike?" Buffy moved over to him and tried to place a hand on his arm.  As the arm of her robe touched his skin, he pulled away, a strange whimper escaping his throat.  Buffy looked down at what she was wearing, "Oh, crap.  Dawn!"  Spike flinched again.

Dawn came racing in, stopping short at the sight of Spike.  His breathing was very laboured now.

"What happened?"

"Stay here with him; I have to get changed."  Buffy left the room at a run.  Dawn stepped in front of Spike and took his arm, leading him over to the island.  All the chairs had been used in the barricades, so she had to leave him standing.  He slumped and leaned against the island.

"What did they do?"

Spike stared at her blankly for a moment, trying to clear his head, "Who?"

"_Them_.  Outside.  Are they using magic?"  Slowly, Spike shook his head.  Dawn watched him for a moment, then turned and took the kettle from where Buffy had left it.  She busied herself making tea, occasionally glancing over to check on Spike.  He didn't move.  As she put the mug down next to him, Buffy came back in.  She had changed into jeans and a shirt and had let her hair down.  She caught Dawn's eye and her little sister left quickly.

"Spike?"

He started again and turned away from her.

"I'm gonna say some stuff that will hurt you.  But I have to say it, 'cause you're killing yourself with this."  Buffy went over and stood in front of him.  He tried to move away, but she caught him by the shoulders and pushed him gently back against the island.  He still avoided looking at her.

"I used to see things the way you do now.  Good and bad, nothing in between.  It was why I was afraid of how I felt; of what I am.  But you're wrong."  She took a deep breath, "You hurt me that night.  You know you did.  But I've told you I forgave you somewhere along the way.  It wasn't really you; at least, not the you that's standing here now.  You have to stop seeing yourself like that."

"I can't.  I've tried, but it just keeps coming back.  Everything I've ever done, everyone I ever hurt.  It's too painful."

Buffy let her arms drop. "You told me that life is just living.  You were wrong then, too.  Life is _Living_.  You were more alive when you were dead.  I can't help you if you can't help yourself."

Spike stepped away, "So what do you want?  You want me to snap out of it?  Stiff upper lip, old boy?  You think I can just turn this off?"

"No, I don't!  I don't want you to forget what happened.  I just want you to stop reliving it.  Just a few hours ago, you were kissing me.  What happened?"

"I don't know… It was seeing you looking like… I can't do this!"  He kicked the back door.

"We've all got problems; we're all in pain sometimes.  Look at Willow; look at me.  Look at what we've all done in the past – the people we've hurt, people we love.  But we got past it.  We didn't forget, we didn't forgive ourselves, but we let it make us stronger."

"I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you again!" Spike turned to her, "I couldn't carry on if I did that."

Buffy sighed, "That's what you don't understand.  Being so scared of it, being so afraid; that's what will stop you."

He stopped, all the fight gone from him.  Buffy went to him and took his hand.  "_That's _what having a soul really means.  Not pain, not guilt, just letting it guide you, letting yourself live.  I almost didn't work it out in time, but I did.  And now _you_ have to."

Spike looked down at their hands and took a deep, deep breath.  He felt the oxygen flow in to his lungs, felt his heart beating.  His universe shrank to the place, the moment; just his heart beating and her hand in his, soft and warm.  He looked at her watching him, her face open and beautiful; his world encapsulated in her small body.  Everything he felt was for her, everything he had was because of her.

"I love you," he said and it seemed at that moment that he had never felt it or said it before.  Buffy looked up at him and smiled, "I know."  

There was no denial, no rejection, just a calm, gentle acceptance of that love and as he stood there, he felt his soul as if for the first time, but this time it wasn't pain, it wasn't suffering or guilt; there was only peace.

"Wow," he grinned, "An epiphany."

"Buffy?"  Giles was at the kitchen door.

"Everything's fine, Giles."

"Er, no – I'm afraid it's not."

Buffy dropped Spike's hand and turned to Giles, "What's happened?"

"It seems that Tara has paid Willow another visit.  And it doesn't sound like good news."  They followed Giles back into the lounge.  Willow was sitting on some cushions, Dawn's arm around her and Xander hovering anxiously.

"Will?"

Willow looked up at her friend, her face white, "She said she doesn't know what's going to happen any more.  Someone else is in charge out there and she can't see what they'll do."  Willow stood up, "Buffy, she was scared."

There was a crash against the front door, then another under the window.  The heard some shouting from the back and three more loud crashes.  Spike started for the stairs, grabbing the chairs and throwing them out of his way as he scrambled over the wood and disappeared into one of the bedrooms.  Buffy was half-way up the stairs after him, followed by Giles, when he threw himself back out into the hallway again, slamming hard against the opposite wall.  His eyes met Buffy's.

"The house is on fire."


	9. Insights

Sorry this has taken so long to get done, but what with the panto and then Christmas and New Year and I have an exam this month, I've been a bit busy.

New Buffy next week, so I'll find out how far off the mark I was with this and will re-label it AU.

A bit more Spuffy goodness this time – I'm even more of a romantic since my lovely wedding day last year.

Disclaimer: How I wish I owned these characters and could make money out of them, but I don't.  Except for Jessica and Simon and one other character you'll be reading about soon.  But I'm _still_ not making any money out of them.

Insights

"Buffy!" Dawn raced up the stairs to her sister.

"I know.  Giles, get as many weapons as we can carry.  Spike, help me clear one of the windows." Buffy ran into her room and started dragging the furniture to the side.  Spike helped her to clear the remaining barricade away, then started to shove the mattress through the window.  He put his weight behind it, then leaned out to check it had fallen away from the flames.  Buffy rejoined him, dragging another mattress from Dawn's room.  Together, they threw it on top of the first.

"I'll get the last one."

"No time, pet."

The others joined them, tucking stakes into pockets and checking crossbows.

"I called 911.  No point in escaping if the house burns down." Giles glanced out of the window, "Buffy, you go first.  Then you, Spike.  Try and hold them off."

Buffy nodded and took some weapons, "We'll try and make it to the park and get into the trees.  The cover will make it more difficult for them."  She swung out of the window, climbed down the trellis as far as she could before the fire got too close, then checked the position of the mattresses and jumped.  She landed safely, dropped and rolled to her feet, stake in hand.  Spike appeared next to her.  So far, no vampires had attacked them.

Giles climbed down the trellis and waited until Xander joined him.  Dawn followed.  Giles jumped onto the mattresses and rolled to the side, turning to make sure Dawn landed safely.  Xander was helping Willow to turn around on the trellis, holding her crossbow and throwing it after her.  Simon was next, rolling awkwardly into Giles' legs as he landed.  Xander joined them on the ground last of all.  The vampires had still made no move on them.  Buffy led them around the side of the house, Spike bringing up the rear.  They paused as Buffy peered around the side of the house, her back pressed against the wall.  She eased back again.

"About twenty," she told Giles.  He nodded, gripping the stake tighter and turning to pass the information down the line.

"Buffy!"

Everyone spun around.  Spike had pushed himself away from the wall.  A vampire had him by the throat and he was struggling to break the hold, his stake lying useless on the ground.  Silhouetted against the light from the fire were another twenty or so vampires, moving slowly towards them across the garden.  Buffy heard a shout behind her.  Dawn threw herself forward, hitting Spike's attacker hard and low.  All three fell to the ground, Spike's duster billowing around them.  Dawn's arm came up and she brought the stake down viciously.  Spike scrambled to his feet as the vampire dusted and grabbed Dawn's arm, dragging her to her feet.

Giles touched Buffy's shoulder and she turned to see the vampires from the front of the house moving in slowly.  Buffy and Giles backed up, meeting the others backing towards them.  Automatically, they formed a ragged circle with Simon and Dawn in the middle.  Buffy glanced up as she realized Spike was next to her.  He reached out and touched her cheek gently.

"Hey, always knew I'd go out fightin'."

Buffy smiled, "See you later."

He nodded and they turned back to face the vampires.  Who stopped.  There was a long silence.  The vampires waited about three yards away, watching the group closely.

"What's happening?" Simon's voice was trembling.

Giles glanced at Buffy and she shrugged in reply.

"Maybe we've broken them down.  Maybe our cunning plan of hiding and not coming out got them scared." Xander looked down at Willow.  She allowed herself a little smile.

Xander took her hand, "Will…"

"I know," she told him, squeezing his hand gently.

"Buffy?" Dawn sounded small and scared.

"It's okay, Dawnie.  There's nothing to be afraid of.  Believe me, I know." She raised her voice, "That goes for everyone.  Don't be frightened; you'll like it there."

Giles cleared his throat.  "Well, I for one don't want to stand here and wait.  If we're going to die, it's going to be on our terms."

"Too right, Rupert.  Let's do it." Spike aimed his crossbow and fired, hitting one of the nearest vampires.  The rest just watched as she turned to dust.  None of them moved.  Spike shrugged and re-loaded, aiming at the other group.  Another vamp dusted and still they didn't react.

"What's going on?" Willow whispered.  Buffy threw herself at the vampires, quickly killing two before the group moved forward and surrounded her, hiding her from view for a moment.  She was thrown back viciously, hitting Giles and knocking him to the ground.  They scrambled to their feet.

"Are you OK?" Spike glanced around, trying to keep an eye on the vampires and check on Buffy at the same time.

"Yeah.  It was weird.  It was like they were trying _not_ to hurt me."

Spike grinned, "Well, that's OK then.  As long as no-one here has a problem with _us_ hurting _them_?"

Buffy nodded, "You're right.  Dawn, stay in the middle with Simon.  Spike, cover our backs.  Let's go."

"You're not going anywhere." 

Jessica shoved her way through the vampires.  Her dark hair shone in the light of the burning house.  She watched them for a moment, a quiet smile on her lips, her head on one side, contemplating the sight.  She moved forward, her hips swaying sensuously, a finger gently tapping her lower lip, "I think I'll take this one."  Jessica reached forward and took Dawn by the arm, swiftly pushing Giles out of the way when he tried to stop her. "Stay calm, Watcher; I won't hurt her.  I won't hurt any of you as long as you do as I say.  He doesn't want you dead."

"Who?"

"I would have thought you could guess, brother.  You called him" She brushed his check gently and smiled, "I have something special planned for you.  Take them."

Jessica stood back, taking Dawn with her.  Her hands rested softly on the girl's shoulders, ready to throttle her if anyone tried anything.  The vampires moved in.  Buffy could hear sirens approaching as a vamp tied her hands behind her back and forced a piece of rag into her mouth.  They were dragged unceremoniously into the bushes at the back of the garden and thrown to the ground where two vampires lay on either side of each of them and held their arms.  Jessica was lying next to Dawn, an arm around her shoulder, whispering in her ear.  Two fire trucks pulled up.  From their hiding place, they watched as the fireman put out the flames.  It seemed to Spike an age since he had seen the fires lit, but they hadn't really had a chance to take hold and were put out in a short time.  Some of the firemen broke through the barricade at the back door and checked through the house.  One who seemed to be in charge waited impatiently in the garden, just a few yards from the captives.  Spike shifted his weight a little, trying to get ready to raise the alarm, but the vampire on his left twisted his arm in warning.  Jessica glanced over at him.  She smiled and slid closer to Dawn, her arm slipping further around her neck.  Spike relaxed.

The firemen emerged from the house.

"No-one inside," one reported, "They had the whole place sealed up."

The older man looked from the mattresses lying on the ground to the broken window above him, "They must've got out up there."

"Yeah.  The whole town's gone crazy tonight; they could be anywhere."

"OK, let the cops know.  They can solve the mystery; it's not our job.  We've got another call."  He took one more look at the house and turned away, his men following him around the side and back to the trucks.  Jessica waited until the sirens had faded.  Dragging Dawn to her feet, she motioned to the other vamps and started towards the back door, which the firemen had tried to wedge shut before they left.  They were dragged through to the lounge and again thrown to the floor.  One vampire went around and removed the makeshift gags.  

Jessica stood in front of them. "Now, there are between thirty and forty vampires hanging out in this dump, so if anyone's thinking of doing anything stupid, think again.  We're all gonna try and be good friends."

"What now?" One of the vamps asked.

"Now, we wait."

It was almost dawn when Jessica rose slowly to her feet. "He's here."  She ripped the barricade out of the way and opened the front door, stepping back respectfully.  The newcomer stepped into the room and looked at the captives.  It was the young cop Xander had seen killed and he was in full vamp face.  He took Jessica's hand.

"Well done."

Jessica smiled coyly.  Simon flinched; she used to smile like that when she was a child and wanted something from him.  He pushed the thought away, concentrating on the demon that had taken her.  His hate of the creature would make him strong; he held onto the pain, let it fill his heart.  When the time came, he would need it.  Spike watched him, seeing the struggle, feeling the agony of the choice he had made.  He turned away and tried to concentrate on the ropes that held him.

The new vampire stood before them, grinning. "My name is Joseph, but you can call me Death."

Buffy exchanged a look with Spike.

"I have chosen this place as my base of operations, if you will.  You have stopped us from fulfilling our destiny, but thanks to young Jessica here, I have a new plan." He knelt by Simon, "Your sister really is very talented, you know."

Simon wrenched at his bonds.  Joseph shoved him to the floor and aimed a kick at his stomach.

"You said you weren't going to hurt us, Jessica." Simon gazed at his sister.

"I'm sorry, Simon; I lied.  Don't tell Mommy."

Joseph slipped his arm around her shoulders and led her out of the room.

Dawn leaned against her sister, "I'm sorry, Buffy.  I should've fought back."

"It's okay.  We couldn't take them all on, but now we've got a chance to get out of this alive."

"You call this a chance?" Xander laughed shortly, "I thought this was more certain doom."

Buffy looked over at Spike again, "Stay alert and look for an opening."

He nodded, testing his ropes again.  Spike knew he could work them loose given time, but so did their captors and he wasn't sure how much time he would have.  

Jessica sidled into the room again, smiled strangely. "Now, _brother, _I have something very special planned for you." 

She moved to where he sat and knelt in front of him, caressing his cheek again.  Leaning in, she licked his neck gently, slowly nuzzling against him, her hands on his arms preventing him from pulling away.  She sat up again and moved her leg so that she was straddling him.  Simon tried to lean away.  With infinite care, Jessica opened his shirt a little and tucked the collar down, exposing his neck to her.  Simon watched her face, his eyes turned up to her, open and warm. 

"Jessica.  Don't do this.  Remember when you were my Jess; my daisy?  Don't do this, Jess."  He wasn't begging her; he was asking.  A simple request born of love for her, not of his fear.  Spike saw her hesitate for a moment, her brow furrowed and a glimmer of doubt in her mind, and to his surprise, he saw a tear fall down her cheek.  She tilted her head and regarded her brother again, the damp trail of the tear glistening on her skin.

"I remember." Jessica put her mouth to Simon's ear, "I love you, Simon," she whispered.

For a moment, Spike saw a look of surprised joy and hope in Simon's eyes, cut short as Jessica sank her teeth into his neck.  He screamed.  His hands clutched at his sister, beating against her as she drained him slowly, drinking in every second, reveling in the power.  Dawn turned away.  Spike and Buffy pulled on their ropes desperately.  Jessica pushed Simon away from her, throwing her head back and letting out a long sigh.  She got to her feet and stood over him.

"I remember."

She left the room swiftly, pausing long enough to whisper an instruction to one of the vampires standing guard.

Spike let his head fall to his chest.  He was breathing heavily from trying to free himself and there were tears falling freely down his cheeks.  Willow shuffled over to Simon and leaned down next to him.  She listened carefully to his breathing for a moment.

"He's alive.  Just"

Spike nodded slowly. "It's an old trick.  Keep 'em alive longer, cause more pain.  You just gotta know when to stop." He looked revolted, "Jessica must be a natural; I didn't know about it till Angel taught me."

Buffy watched him for a moment.  He was staring at Simon who was slumped on the floor, his breathing shallow and ragged, the marks on his neck still glistening wetly.

"Spike?"

He turned to her, drawing in a slow breath.  "If they turn me again, I want you to kill me.  Make it fast." He leaned closer to her, "Promise me, Buffy."

"I promise," Buffy shifted so that she could touch his hands tied behind him, "And if they turn me…"

"I swear," his eyes held hers. "I'd do it for any one of you."

They shared a small smile.  Spike squeezed her fingers gently and turned back to Simon.  Buffy watched him again.  Her eyes traced over his pale skin, taking in the delicate eyelashes surrounding his deep blue eyes, full of feeling, full of passionate life.  He had loved her without a soul; something Angel could not do.  He had accepted what she was and never wanted her to be anything else; something Riley had never given her.  Everything he was today was because he loved her.  Buffy thought of what she had just promised and tried to imagine driving a stake through his heart, tried to see him bursting into dust before her eyes, tried to feel what it would be like without him.  A dark hole opened inside her, black dread filling her.  Her heart felt swollen and sore as it beat against her ribs.

"Oh wow; an epiphany," she muttered.

Spike turned to her again. "What?"

Buffy met his gaze and smiled, "I love you."

For a moment, he felt the utter peace overtake him again, then his face fell. "It's because of the soul, isn't it?"

Buffy laughed, "No.  I don't know when it was, but it's been a while."

Spike stared at her.  He had been waiting for years to hear her say it; he had heard her say it time and time again in his dreams.  Now she was truly giving him everything she could give, everything he wanted and he didn't know what to do.  Deep down, he had never really believed it possible.

"Spike?"

He shook his head and leaned closer again, resting his forehead against hers.

"I can't lose you now; not again."

"What can't we face if we're together?" Buffy asked with a grin.

Spike's brow furrowed for a moment, but he shrugged it off.  It didn't matter what she was talking about; Buffy loved him.  Even if he died, he would have that knowledge to the end, nestling in his soul like a diamond; comforting him and making him strong.

"I love you, Buffy."

Their lips met softly.  The kiss wasn't born of desire or passion, but of the pain they had suffered, the danger they now faced and the love they had finally realized.  It was almost chaste, but it lingered gently, their mouths slightly open, their lips caressing tenderly, drinking each other in.

"If you have _quite _finished."

They broke apart.  Joseph was standing by the stairs regarding them, his arm thrown carelessly around Jessica's shoulders.  She moved forward, bending slightly to check on her brother, then moving along the line, taking each face in her hand and inspecting them before moving on to the next.  She moved back to Joseph.

"That one's different." Jessica pointed at Spike.

"He's one of us," one of the vampires volunteered, "I've seen him around town."

"Idiot.  He's human; can't you smell it?" Joseph took a step towards Spike, "But there's something else.  What are you?"

Spike grinned at him, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Joseph kicked him brutally across the face.  Spike hit the floor hard.  He struggled to sit upright again and spat blood at the vampire.

"It doesn't matter.  You'll be one of us soon enough." Joseph moved to Buffy and crouched in front of her. "_You_ are the real prize, Slayer."

"Hurt her and I swear you'll die." Spike locked stares with Joseph.  The vampire looked back to Buffy and laughed.

"No, I think you'll find _you _are going to die.  All of you." He stood and straightened his jacket. "When Jessica and her brother here tried to end the world, they were sadly misguided.  I have persuaded her to change her ways and join me.  My plan will be far greater."

Jessica giggled, "Can I have the little girl?"

"You can have anyone you want, my love.  Just not the Slayer."

"What on earth are you planning?" Giles had been leaning wearily against the wall, but now he was sitting up, his face pale.

Joseph draped an arm around Jessica's waist. "You expect me to tell you my plan?  Just like that?  Just like in the movies?"

"Why not?  If you're going to kill us anyway."

Jessica whispered in Joseph's ear.  He listened for a moment, a small smile on his lips. "All right; I think I will.  If nothing else, it'll be amusing to see your faces." He went to Giles and stood over him. "Now, when a human becomes a vampire, they gain strength and speed and develop fast-healing abilities.  What do you think will happen if the human in question already had those abilities?"

Giles met Buffy's eyes.  Joseph crouched down in front of Giles. "No-one has ever tried turning a Slayer before, have they?"


	10. Strategies

OK, here it is – only one more chapter after this one.

Thanks for all the reviews; I hope I don't disappoint with these last couple of chapters.

Disclaimer: I'm just playing for a while and none of the characters (except Simon, Jessica, and Joseph belong to me)

Chapter 10

Strategies

Joseph stood up and looked around at the captives.

"You bastard," Dawn was crying softly, leaning against Willow.

"Just think, with a Slayer and my newly-made sisters at my side, I will rule this world.Why destroy something when you can own it?" Joseph turned away from them. "Keep them alive until the others get here, then you can have your fun.But no-one is to touch the Slayer."

With a final glance at Buffy, he and Jessica linked hands and went upstairs.

Giles shifted forward to try and comfort Dawn. "My God.Buffy, he wants to make you the fourth."

"We have to get out of here."

"No shit, Harris."

"OK, now you two can stop that before you even start," Buffy looked around, trying to gauge where all the vamps were. "We need a plan."

"Spike." Willow's voice was low, "There's some broken glass about two feet behind you."

He winked at her, "Thanks, Red." Checking that none of the vampires were watching, he started to shuffle slowly backwards, pausing when one of the guards looked as if they might notice.

Giles leaned forward and tried to get as close to Buffy as he could. "They're not going anywhere until the sun goes down again.We'll need to make our move in daylight."

She nodded.

Xander nudged Buffy, "I think I have a plan. But, um, you're not going to like it."

Buffy glanced up to check on the guards, shifting closer to Xander.

Spike managed to reach the glass without being spotted and scrabbled around to try and find a piece big enough to cut his ropes.He watched as Buffy leaned towards Xander, listening closely to his plan.Her brow furrowed and she pulled back quickly, staring at her friend.Spike watched as the emotions passed across her face in seconds; surprise, confusion, regret and acceptance.She nodded slightly.She turned her head towards Spike and motioned with her head.He shuffled back to her side.

"Give me the glass," she murmured, her face close to his, "I need to be the first one free."

"What's going on, love?"

"Xander has a plan.It's a good one," she added, noticing the look on Spike's face, "But we all have to be out of these ropes for it to work.If we do that, the vamps are bound to notice, so I'll get free first, then you.We can protect the others while they untie each other."

He nodded. "Then what?"

"Then we get to the kitchen as fast as we can.The door's pretty narrow, so I think we can hold them back.We have to give Xander enough time to do his thing, then we get out."

Spike thought about it, "Sounds good." Raising his voice, he turned to the others, "We're not going anywhere for a while.Get some rest."

"But, what about…" Dawn was interrupted by Willow nudging her.

"Get some sleep, Dawnie." She raised her eyebrows at Spike.

_Always rely on Red to get the hint_, he said to himself.Taking the lead, he lay down on his side and closed his eyes.The vampires guarding them tensed, but seeing their captives apparently docile they relaxed again and turned back to their conversations.Buffy wondered at their stupidity, but lay down on her side with the others, turning her body to hide her bound hands from the guards.She started working on the ropes.Spike checked on the guards, then shifted closer to Xander.

"Harris, listen up."

It was more than two hours later before Buffy felt some give in the ropes.It was only the first few strands and her hands had taken more damage than anything else, but it was something.Her arms and hands aching, she tried to keep working, looking around at the others.Simon was still unconscious, but he had stirred a little about half an hour ago.Everyone else had fallen asleep after they had heard the plan and Buffy could hear the comforting sound of her sister's gentle snoring.

"Buffy."

She jumped and twisted her head around to look at Spike. "Don't _do _that!"

"Thought you might wanna get some rest," he grinned at her, "Gimme the glass and I'll have a go."

Buffy nodded gratefully and leaned back onto the carpet, stretching her back and flexing her shoulders in an oddly feline gesture before closing her eyes, a little sigh escaping her lips.His hands worked automatically at the ropes, so he could relax a little and watch his Slayer sleep._His_ Slayer; it sounded good.His eyes lingered on her face, pale but peaceful, then followed the curve of her shoulder down to the small waist and over her hips.Her hands were a mass of small cuts from the glass and he winced slightly at the sight of her blood, but the marks were already healing and he turned away from the sight.He shifted forward and kissed her lightly on the soft skin where her neck met her hairline.Buffy smiled and pushed herself back against him.

"Good night, Spike."

Buffy woke to the sound of a scuffle.One of the vamps had Xander by the throat.Another had a firm hold of Dawn as she kicked and struggled to help her friend.Buffy tried to get to her feet.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Jessica stood watching the scene with an amused look on her face.Her brother was conscious again and stared at her, his face pale, black rings under his eyes.He shuddered.Jessica stepped forward and put a restraining hand on the guard's shoulder.

"You can have him later."

He growled and let go of Xander, who crumpled to the floor, panting slightly.

"Line them up against the wall.I don't want anyone else trying anything before the others get here."

Buffy glanced nervously at Spike and clasped her hands tightly together, hoping that the guards wouldn't notice her ropes were damaged.The female vamp who grabbed her didn't notice and with an internal sigh of relief Buffy had to remind herself again that most vampires were extremely single-minded and more than a little bit dumb; Spike had been an exception.With a growing sense of hope, she realized they had been moved closer to the kitchen.She risked a look at the others.Giles shot her a quick smile.Dawn was staring at the distance between her and their way out until Willow nudged her.Spike winked at her and she felt him fumbling for her hands.Trying to move as little as possible, she leaned closer and took the shard of glass from him.

"What happened?"

"I think one of the vamps saw me up to something and he was gonna come over.Harris just kinda jumped at one of the others and started kicking him." Spike glanced over at Xander, "Great distraction, if a bit stupid.Remind me to thank him when we get out of here."

"How much time until sunset?" Buffy couldn't see out of the window thanks to the barricades, but she had a feeling it must be nearly night.

"You were out like a light, love.It's nearly seven.Few hours and we're out of here."

Willow nudged him. "Giles says we should wait another night."

"What?" Buffy leaned forward, struggling to keep her voice low. "Why?"

"He says if Jessica is waiting for 'the others' it could be the other two Horsemen.If we wait, we can get all of them."

A boot caught Buffy against the side of her head, knocking her over onto Spike.

"No talking." The guard turned away again.

"You're gonna pay for that, you prick." Spike spat at him.The vampire ignored him.He turned his head to look at Buffy as she rested against his shoulder.There was a small stream of blood down the side of her face, but her eyes were open and she looked mad._That's my girl_, he thought.

"We'll wait," she said, an unmistakable edge to her voice.

Giles acknowledged with a nod and they all settled back again to wait out the next night.

Jessica stood waiting at the front door.The air was thick with nervous anticipation.Joseph was sitting on an armchair that had been dragged away from one of the barricades and seemed to be the only one present who wasn't tense.

"They're here." He got to his feet as Jessica opened the door.Two vampires in game face entered.Buffy shuddered as she recognized the old woman they had found, her face a strangely sick parody of a vampire's features.The other was a young woman, hardly more than a teenager.Involuntarily, Buffy glanced at Dawn.

The two newcomers went to Joseph.There seemed to be a silent conversation going on between them, with glances towards the captives and gestures of assent or disapproval.It lasted only a few minutes.The Three turned and moved to the stairs, their movements oddly synchronized.Joseph paused and spoke to Jessica before he left.

"Well, it seems you all get to live a little bit longer.My masters think it appropriate that you are the first victims of your Slayer after she has been turned." Jessica smiled slowly, moving towards her brother once again.He stayed silent, his eyes blank and hopeless.Buffy felt Spike move and leaned on him to restrain him.

"Not now."

He nodded slightly, but his eyes were still fixed on Simon's face.This time, Jessica did not taunt him and he did not try and stop her.She lifted him to his feet and enfolded him in her arms, pulling his head back gently, her hand tangled in his hair.Simon's eyes were fixed on the ceiling, empty and void.As he lost consciousness again, Jessica lowered him delicately to the floor.For a moment she stood over him, her head on one side as she studied his face, then she turned and left him.

Spike relaxed again next to Buffy.She could hear his breathing, short and shallow, catching in his throat.There was nothing she could do for him now, so she settled for leaning back and touching his hands gently with hers.

They had watched as most of the vampires and their new masters had left for the hunt and returned a few hours later, their eyes sparkling and their movements quickened with the newness of the blood flowing inside them.Jessica had returned with them.She seemed tense and uneasy, her eyes continually flicking around, never settling on anything.Finally, just before sunrise, she re-entered the room and stood over her brother again.After a moment of watching him, she crouched down and cupped his face in her hand.

"Simon."Her voice was surprisingly gentle.She shook him a little. "Simon, wake up."

Slowly, Simon seemed to come round, struggling to consciousness.Jessica held his wakening gaze.

"You were right, brother; I still remember when I was your Jess; your daisy.I'll never forget it.I still love you, Simon.That's why I'm going to do all I can for you." Simon looked blankly back at her.She stroked his cheek softly. "I'm going to be your sister _and_ your mother."

"No!"

Spike broke the final strands of his ropes and threw himself at Jessica, hurling her across the room.He backhanded one of the guards who approached him and pulled back to punch another.His fist was grabbed from behind and he swung around wildly, connecting with his attacker through sheer luck.The vampire kept hold of him and they both fell to the floor, punching at each other randomly.Four other vampires threw themselves on him and he disappeared from Buffy's view.She was itching to jump to her feet and wade in to help him, but she knew their plan depended on her being free and she couldn't risk the others' safety.Spike was dragged to his feet.Four vampires held him as he struggled.There was some blood on his lip, but he seemed to be fine.Jessica was almost purring.

"You are lucky Joseph wants you kept alive for the moment, or I would kill you very slowly and _very_ painfully for that." She traced a finger down his face, wiping some of his blood from his lip and tasting it. "Mmm, you _are _different, aren't you? I can't wait to find out." Jessica turned back to Simon, gesturing back over her shoulder. "Now you get to watch."

Spike wrenched his body against the guards that held him, kicking out at them.They forced him to his knees and held him there as Jessica made her brother stand.Dawn turned away, hiding her face on Willow's shoulder.

Jessica drained him slowly, turning his body around as if dancing, so that she could watch Spike over his shoulder.Simon's knees buckled and his head rolled back lifelessly, but she held him on his feet with one arm, using the other hand to take a knife from her pocket.Reaching around her brother, she opened her wrist, letting the blood run down her arm.It oozed slowly, glistening in the low light.Turning his almost cold body away from her, she allowed his weight to rest against her chest, raising her wrist to his mouth, her eyes never leaving Spike's face.Simon twitched as he felt the blood fill his mouth, swallowing involuntarily.His eyes flew open and he reached up to take her arm, holding it against his lips, eagerly drinking her in.Spike tried to turn away, but he found he couldn't.He was transfixed, his eyes drawn to Simon's hungry mouth on his sister's wrist, to her bright eyes and fervent need.Tears stood in his eyes, spilled down his cheeks and he could hear himself whispering softly as if from a distance, "No, no, no…"

Buffy watched him, turning her face away from the brother and sister locked together in the middle of the room.Her heart pounded against her ribs and she desperately tried to control it.It would do no good for any of them if she lost control now; she couldn't take on all the vampires who had entered the room to watch and dying here wouldn't solve anything.She had to hold herself in check.

With a final violent gesture, Jessica threw Simon away from her.His body fell across the room and landed against the barricade under the window with a crash.There was a red stain around his mouth like an open wound and the blood was still oozing from his neck.He lay still.Jessica raised a hand to her lips and blew a slow kiss to Spike, sweeping past him and into the dining room.Spike didn't put up a fight as the vamps bound his hands again and dragged him back to his place against the wall.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to Buffy, his head dropping to his chest.

Giles cleared his throat. "Get some rest.We've only got an hour before the sun comes up."

"You did what all of us wanted to do.No-one blames you for losing it."

Spike looked up and met Willow's eyes. "Thanks, Red."

Buffy found his hands again and squeezed his fingers.He gave her a weak smile, resting his head back against the wall and closing his eyes.A final tear squeezed out and fell down his cheek.

Another vampire left the room, leaving only four actually guarding them.Buffy thought there were about thirty vamps in the house and three of them were in the kitchen.She glanced over to the others.They were all watching her movements, waiting for the signal.Spike had managed to get his hands under him and was slowly trying to wriggle his legs through to get his hands in front of him without the guards noticing.He winked at her.Pushing her fears down inside her, she smiled slowly.The moment seemed to last a lifetime as they waited.Almost imperceptibly, but with utter deliberation, Buffy nodded.

The first vampire didn't know what hit it.Buffy had broken the last of the ropes and was on her feet before anyone else in the room had moved.Dawn was following Spike's lead and was struggling to get her hands under her.Buffy punched the first of the guards, used her momentum to spin around and kick the second even as he got to his feet.Giles had pushed himself up to stand against the wall and was back to back with Xander, trying to undo his ropes.Dawn had managed to get her hands in front of her and was untying Willow.Spike appeared beside Buffy, swinging his still-bound hands at another vampire.

"Kitchen."

"Yep." She punched the last guard hard in the stomach.As he bent, she spun and kicked him hard across the face, sending him staggering backwards.He tripped over Simon's still prone form and crashed into the barricade, taking some of it down with him as he fell and letting a stream of sunlight into the room.

"Back!"

Dawn and Xander got to the kitchen door first, where they were met by two vamps.Dawn ducked the first swing and, still struggling to get rid of the last of the ropes, kicked viciously at her attackers groin.He backed up to avoid the wild kick and walked straight into another vampire who was coming up behind him.They both fell to the floor.Xander was trying to hold back his opponent using the rope between his hands to press hard against the vamp's neck.

Buffy ripped a leg off the coffee table that had fallen and tossed it to Spike.She took another for herself and started to back towards the kitchen.Giles and Willow had their hands free and were helping Xander and Dawn hold back the three at the door.Buffy could hear more vampires coming down the stairs and Jessica had already emerged from the dining room with some lackeys in tow.She advanced slowly on them as they backed towards the others.Spike was dragging the remains of the coffee table with him.They reached the door and Buffy turned swiftly and staked the three vamps the others had managed to pin to the ground.Everyone fell into the room and Spike positioned the table across the door so that the first attackers would have to climb over it to get in.He ripped off the remaining two legs and handed them to Willow and Giles.

"Xander, get started.Dawn, get that crap away from the back door.Everyone else, get ready."Buffy dropped in to fighting stance.

Xander just had time to react, grab a knife from the unit and dive to the floor next to the fridge before the first vampires attacked.He could hear Dawn smashing at the back door with the hammer that had been left in there.Every couple of seconds, he caught a glimpse of one of his friends fighting hard.He used the knife to cut the ropes and turned to his task, trying not to think about what would happen if they failed.

The vampires could only get through the door two at a time, but they were trying to use weight of numbers to force the first of their number through.It was hard going fighting at close quarters; every time they staked one, another appeared through the spreading ash.They were being steadily forced back, the vamps spreading out into the room.

"I'm done!" Dawn yelled from the back door.She ripped open a drawer and started desperately scrabbling through the contents.

"Go!Dawnie, get out!" Buffy risked a glance behind her.

Xander jumped to his feet, "Let's go!" He grabbed Dawn by the shoulders and tried to push her through the back door, but she managed to resist him long enough to take something out of the drawer.The two ran out into the bright sunshine of the garden.Giles and Willow backed towards the door, silently daring the vampires to follow them into the pool of light, their stakes still at the ready.

"Buffy, hurry up!"

She turned to check that the others were safe and felt a hand on her arm, spinning her back.Raising her makeshift stake, she used the momentum to bring it around fast and hard, burying it in the vampire's chest.He dusted quickly and she continued the swing, falling forward slightly.Her body met the knife in Jessica's hand coming the other way.Pain exploded inside her and she looked down to see the handle protruding from just below her breastplate, a bright rose of blood spreading around it.Jessica's face was close to hers, the dust from the just-staked vampire settling in her dark hair.Buffy stared at the woman, her eyes wide, her legs giving way.Vaguely, she heard Spike shouting, but she couldn't make out the words.Her whole universe had narrowed to the face in front of her with its mocking eyes and malevolent smile.

Spike caught Buffy with an arm around her waist.In the same movement, he swung the table leg and buried it in Jessica's chest.She met his flat gaze with shocked eyes, crumbling to dust even as her mouth formed a scream.

Spike bent and lifted Buffy in his arms, turning and running out into the safety of the sunlight.He lowered her gently to the ground.The remaining vampires were standing inside the back door watching them.Giles stepped into Spike's eye line.

"Dawn?" She handed him something and he took another step forward, flipping open the matchbook and ripping one out.He lit it and carefully tucked the end back in the book.Advancing on the vampires, menace in his every movement, Giles stopped out of reach just outside the door.He met Joseph's gaze and casually tossed the burning matchbook into the kitchen.He walked away.

The book flew into the house and landed in the middle of the kitchen floor.Every vampire turned to watch it.As the rest of the matches caught and flared, the gas from the ruptures line ignited and engulfed the kitchen in a ball of expanding flame, bright and deadly as the sun.

The initial explosion took out most of the house.Willow was thrown backwards into Xander, both tumbling to the ground.Spike spun around and tried to protect Buffy with his body as best he could.He could hear the trapped vampires screaming inside the building as the fire spread, hungry and eager.

"Buffy!" Dawn threw herself to her knees next to her sister.

"Hey, Dawnie," Buffy took her hand.Giles was on his cell phone, speaking quickly and urgently.

Buffy looked up at Spike, "We did it?"

"Yes love, we got 'em.All of them."He was stroking her cheek and she could taste his salt tears on her lips, watched them fall onto her from his eyes, sparkling sapphire in the light.

"Good." She shook her head, tried to clear the dizziness. "Spike?"

He leaned closer, "Yes, sweetheart?"

"I love you.See you later."

She sighed gently, so softly, her eyes fluttering closed as she let the darkness come.As the dusk took her again, she could hear him.

"Buffy?Don't you bloody die on me again.Buffy, please; don't leave me."


	11. Beginnings

Disclaimer:  The characters are not mine and they never will be.  I just want them to have what they'll never have on TV.  Joss Whedon and the ME writers are the geniuses here, not me.

OK, so this is it – the end of my fanfic.  I hope y'all liked it and please review if you think it's worth it.  I've had fun on this one – I've been writing it on and off for 6 months now.  Hopefully, I'll find some time to do a follow-up, or perhaps start another AU as season seven continues in the UK.

Thanks for all the feedback – you guys have been great.  See you soon.

****

**Beginnings**

****

"…_looks so small_…"

"…_survive?  Worse than_…"

"…_just come back_…"

"…_hope and pray_…"

The darkness started to recede from her mind.  Buffy sat up and looked around her.

"…_never know if she wanted_…"

"…_healing powers_…"

She was in her living room, sitting on the couch.  She was wearing the new clothes she had bought, brand new and unspoiled.  

"…_OK; she's strong and_…"

"…_what if she's not_…"

The light in the room was wrong, almost as if there wasn't enough power in the light fittings, but at the same time, the furniture and objects around her looked too bright and sharp.

"…_promised her_…"

"…_can't lose her now_..."

Just on the edge of her hearing, Buffy could make out voices.  They seemed to be coming from outside the room, but if she moved towards the sound, it retreated away from her.  She couldn't tell who was speaking.

"…_Buffy_…"

"…_Buffy_…"

"…_Buffy_…"

"Buffy."

She turned to face the voice, a real voice, a voice she could really hear.  Tara stood by the door, her hair and dress moving slightly, as if caught in a gentle breeze.  But there was no breeze.  Buffy felt a sob catch in her throat and she ran to her friend, throwing her arms around her and holding her as if she was the only thing keeping her from drowning.  Tara held her gently, stroking her hair and murmuring softly.  Eventually, Buffy pulled away a little.

"I can't be dead; this is different."

Tara smiled and Buffy felt a warm courage spreading inside her, glowing in her centre.

"No, you're not dead.  You were just pretty close."  She led Buffy over to the couch and they sat together, their hands still intertwined.

"So how am I here?  We blew this house up, didn't we?"

"Yes, you did.  _You're_ here because you're dreaming," Tara reached out and pushed a strand of hair away from Buffy's eyes, "_I'm_ here because I have to tell you something."

Buffy gazed into the other girl's eyes.  There was sadness there.  Her brightness, the spark that had charmed Willow, was still there shining clear and beautiful in the strange light, but there was also a sense of sorrow in her.  Buffy pulled away mentally; she was afraid now of what Tara had to say.

"Willow misses you.  We all do."

Tara smiled again and the sadness seemed to disappear for a moment, "I'll always be here.  Especially for Willow."

"I don't get it.  You'll always be _here_?" Buffy indicated the room.

"Yes.  This house is where all of you have known the best and the worst of your lives.  It's the common ground in your selves; the place you all subconsciously think of as home."

Buffy dropped her gaze.  Her brow furrowed, "Is my mom here?"

"No."

"Why?  You said this is home.  Mom was always here." Buffy's expression hardened, "I want to see my mom."

Tara sighed, "She's not here because she knew you and Dawn would be OK.  She knew it would be hard for you both, but that you'd both get through it together.  She knew she didn't have to wait for you or protect you.  She moved on." Tara squeezed Buffy's hand, "She's proud of you and she loves you, but she's happy now."

"I know." Buffy's voice was small and she swallowed back tears, "Why haven't you moved on?  Weren't you happy?"

"I wanted to stay here to look after my Willow." Tara touched Buffy's cheek gently, "I wanted to stay here to help her when she needed me and comfort her when she called.  It was all I ever wanted in life, why should I want anything more in death?  We'll move on together." Again, the sadness disappeared from her eyes and her skin seemed to glow softly and grow warmer under Buffy's hand.  She could feel the warm strength inside her again, soothing her fears.  Visibly putting the thoughts aside, Tara turned again to her friend. "Now I have to tell you about your future."

Buffy stood up quickly and moved away to the window.  She was about to push the curtain aside and look out when she thought better of it; she didn't really want to know what was outside her subliminal house.  "I don't want to know about the future.  I've had enough prophecies for one lifetime."

"This isn't a prophecy.  It's just the way your future looks.  Your life has been transformed in the last year and you haven't even noticed."

"What do you mean?" Buffy turned away from the window and picked up a picture frame.  It was a photo from a few years ago of Dawn, her mom and herself.  They were laughing, arms around each other, joy and love in their eyes.

"I mean that you're no longer just the Slayer.  You've learned to let the people who love you into your heart and mind; you're a friend.  You're teaching Dawn about the world and showing her the beauty of life; you're a mother.  You've learned to put the past away and face what is to come; you're a fighter.  You've learnt to recognize the rebirth of someone you thought you knew; you're a realist.  You've learnt to love unconditionally; you're a dreamer.  You've become more than just the Chosen One; you've become something no Slayer has been before and it's all because you've allowed yourself to _live._" Tara came over and stood with Buffy by the window, reaching out and pulling the curtain to one side.  All around the house, stretching away to a blindingly bright horizon was a rippling mass of grass; green and lush and beautiful.

"Buffy, you are so much more than you were when you were called.  When Willow brought you back to us, she used the title, but you hadn't reached it then.  Now you have; now you have truly become The Warrior of the People."

"Death was my gift."

Spike and Dawn sprang to their feet and turned to the bed as one.  The little table that was between them tipped over, scattering cards and matchsticks over the floor.  A vague thought that he should have known Buffy would come round when he was teaching Dawn to play poker crossed his mind, but he pushed it away and took her hand gently, watching her face closely.

"Buffy?" Dawn tried to elbow Spike out of the way to get a good look at her sister.  They struggled for a second before Dawn moved around to the other side of the bed and took Buffy's other hand.

"Niblet, get the others."

"No way," Dawn grinned at him, "I'm staying right here.  If she wakes up, I'm gonna be the first one she sees."

"Bet on that?" Spike returned her smile.  They both turned back to the bed.  Buffy's eyes were moving under her lids, darting from side to side erratically and she seemed to be muttering something.  Dawn reached out and stroked her hair and they both started a little as she squeezed their hands.  Spike started to laugh; a strangely wild laugh.

"Spike?"  Dawn was staring at him.

"Sorry, bit." He took a deep breath, calming himself as best he could, "It's just, I thought… And now she's waking up and…"

Dawn nodded, "I know."

"Oh my God." Xander was standing at the door of the room, his mouth hanging slightly open.

"Get the others, Harris." Spike glanced over his shoulder.

Xander disappeared.  They could hear his running footsteps fading down the hall.

Buffy's hand gripped Spike's hand tightly, her back arched and she gasped a loud, shuddering breath, her eyes flying open, staring wildly at the ceiling.  Dawn and Spike froze and watched her as she took in her surroundings, her gaze resting on the heart monitor next to her sister and the drip feed in her arm.  A lazy, almost contented smile spread across her face.  Turning to Dawn, Buffy's mouth formed her sister's name, but no sound came out.  She looked puzzled and turned to Spike.

"You've been unconscious for a few days, love.  Voice is probably out of practice." He grinned at her, his heart swelling, "Unusual for you, sweetheart."

Buffy frowned at him.  Spike tried to ignore Dawn, whose excitement had got the better of her and was doing her own version of the Snoopy dance and singing about winning their bet.  He concentrated on Buffy's face, on the lips, pouting at him, on the soft eyes, on the smooth skin, paler than usual, and on the strands of hair brushing her cheeks.  He drank in the sight of her.

"Buffy!"

Willow, Xander and Giles burst into the room and rushed over to the bed, all talking at once.  A doctor followed them in at a more sedate pace.  He pushed everyone gently out of the way, motioned for some quiet and smiled down at his patient.

"Let's see what we have, shall we?"

While the doctor examined Buffy and the others hovered around him asking questions, Spike slipped out of the room.  He found a quiet corner, sank into a chair and put his head in his hands.  He let all the anxiety, pain and anger go, crying silently into his hands, his body shaking with the sobs.  It was just a release; one that had been needed for years.  He didn't know how long he sat there, pouring all the poison in his being into his tears, but when he eventually started to calm down, he was aware of someone watching him.  He looked up.

Willow smiled at him; a warm, genuine smile.  She held out her hand to him, "Buffy wants to see you."

Spike stood and took the offered hand.  His legs were stiff and one foot was almost numb. "How long have I been out here?"

"Not sure," Willow shrugged, "The doctor ordered some tests and then they took her away for a couple of hours, so I'm guessing it was a while.  We thought it was best to leave you alone." She led him gently through the corridors back to the room.  Buffy was sitting up, watching Dawn and Xander bickering over a candy bar with a soft smile on her face.  The doctor was talking quietly to Giles near the door.

"It's incredible; I've never seen such a fast recovery.  We're still waiting for the results of the tests, but I may have to re-think my prognosis.  She was very lucky in the first place, but I was quite sure her digestive system would never fully recover.  Now, I think Buffy may be all right." He ran a hand through his hair.

Giles shifted slightly, "When you say 'all right'…?" 

"I mean it looks as if she may make a full recovery.  Once I've had a look at all the results, I'll be able to tell you more, but against my better judgement, I have to say, I think Buffy may make a full recovery."

"Thank you, Doctor Evans." Giles shook his hand, "We really appreciate all your efforts."

The doctor left, shaking his head.  Willow closed the door quietly behind him.

"Spike!"

Buffy was smiling at him.  She still looked pale, but there was a glow hanging on her that he hadn't seen for some time.  He took his seat next to her again, his eyes never leaving her face.

"I, er… I believe you wanted to tell us all something?" Giles went to the couch under the window and sat down.

Buffy nodded, "I met someone just before I woke up and she told me some stuff." She turned her smile on Willow, "It was Tara."

Willow's gaze dropped and she took a deep breath, "Go on."

"My house.  Our home.  Somehow, it was meant to be destroyed.  And we were meant to be the ones to do it." Buffy gestured to the jug of water.  Dawn poured her a glass and handed it to her.  They all waited in silence as Buffy took a few sips and cleared her throat. "The last few years, we've done stuff, we've hurt each other and been hurt by others.  But we got through it and we got through it together.  In our hearts, we'd let go of the past; we'd forgiven each other and ourselves.  But in our heads, we hadn't.  That house will always be a home to us; we made it a home, Mom made it a home, but it was full of too many memories." Buffy looked at Spike, taking his hand. "We had to burn the past away in our heads before we could go on." She took another few sips of water.

Xander put an arm around Dawn, "Show her."

Dawn turned and opened a drawer in the unit next to her sister's bed. "Some things from the past shouldn't be burned." She brought out a picture frame. "I managed to get this just before we headed for the kitchen.  It was on the floor."

Buffy took it from her.  It was the picture she had seen when she was talking to Tara.  Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at her mother's face, so familiar once, but unseen in the flesh for too long. "Thanks Dawnie."  She put her arms around her little sister and held her tight for a few moments.

"So, what now?" Willow glanced at Giles before turning to Buffy, "We've kinda been living here; Dawn and Spike haven't even left this room.  We didn't want to do anything until we knew you were gonna be OK, but Giles made some phone calls."

"Yes, apparently, the police seem to think that some of the rioters burned the house down, so none of us is implicated as an arsonist."

"I wonder where they got that idea?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, quite.  Anyway, the fire department has confirmed that theory, as we were nowhere to be found when they searched the house after we were captured.  They seem to be assuming we didn't return.  I have, er, _encouraged_ this opinion.  I'm afraid there isn't much left; the fire spread very quickly, but the house was insured, so you will be able to rebuild it eventually.  Of course, the Council will also be of some financial help.  They've been very accommodating for once."

"Yeah, they're even paying the medical bills," Xander gestured at the room, "That's how you got this sweet… um… suite."

Buffy smiled, "I have to tell you something else.  Tara said that I've changed, that my life has been transformed.  But it's not just me; we've _all_ changed these past couple of years.  We've come full circle, back to the beginning.  But this time, there's more of us and we're stronger.  We don't just have each other, now we've found ourselves."

Spike nodded, "'We'll go hand in hand.'"

"But this time, we won't be walking alone." Buffy's gaze took in all her friends, her family, "We're together.  All of us," Her eyes met Spike's. "Always."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am very sorry if the big build-up wasn't really worth it, and I know the ending is _really_ Basil Exposition and cheesy in the extreme, but I set myself a potentially unbeatable enemy and I didn't want to kill everyone off.  Not this time, at least.  So, I chickened out.  A bit of cheese never hurt anyone.  At least, anyone who isn't lactose intolerant.

Actually, I always meant this to be more of an exploration of certain characters and their relationship, but it all got a bit out of hand.  

Hope you liked it and if anyone's got any challenges or ideas they think I might like, just let me know – my email is shown in my profile.


End file.
